Black Friday

I had to post something about the horrific school shooting today before they sort out all of the details, because once I start seeing faces and names attached to these poor, innocent victims – most of whom are children, I will lose it altogether and not be able to write anything about it. I have been crying on and off all day since I heard of the shootings. Being in Connecticut, around 25 miles away from Newtown, news traveled to us pretty quickly. By late morning, my kids’ school was put in a modified lockdown mode- police presence, no outdoor activities, increased security measures, etc.  So, although I have known about the massacre for hours, I still can’t absorb it.  I just can’t.

To say that I am in shock is an understatement. An Elementary School? Sweet Jesus. An Elementary School. Shouldn’t a child who cannot yet tie his shoes be able to head off to school without threat of being murdered?  In cold blood? I have tried wrapping my mind around the fact that I live in a world where there are people who will enter a school and shoot children who are barely out of booster seats. I still cannot accept it.

I am devastated. I know I should feel relief at my own fortune – it didn’t happen in my town; my kids are safe – but I’m not there yet. Don’t get me wrong, I am relieved, so very relieved, but I cannot yet find any joy in it because I know that there are 20 families whose kid isn’t making it home tonight. Six more adults who will not return home from work. Ever. And it saddens me beyond measure.

Praying for peace and strength for everyone affected by this horrific tragedy. Like 9/11, I feel like it will be years before my mind can fully comprehend that it actually happened, and there will always be a tiny part of me that never really accepts it as reality.

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