A Heavy Hearted Run

I have been exceedingly sad the past few days. My mind cannot clear. My heart is heavy. My tears have flowed on and off. I heard about the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown like the rest of the world did on Friday while out for a holiday lunch. We walked in, sat down and saw the unfolding of horrific events live on television. I caught that they were talking about a mass shooting. Massacre? In Newtown. Newtown, Connecticut. Roughly 25 or so miles from where I was standing.

This is happening in Connecticut?!?! Connecticut. This is here?!?! I yelled incredulously.

Stunned silence.

Since that moment I have done nothing but think of those brave teachers who acted with such calm and grace while the unthinkable was happening within feet of their classrooms. Beyond courageous. I have done nothing but think about the families who have lost their sons and daughters grieving for their children. Beyond heart wrenching. I have thought incessantly about those 20 children. I can’t stop thinking about them. Those 20 beautiful, pure, honest, good little people slain–murdered–in cold blood. At school. It takes my breathe away.

Earth. Shattering.

As always, when I need clarity, I run. Today there just weren’t enough miles to lift the sadness. I ran as if being chased. I thought I could dodge the sadness, but I just wasn’t fast enough today. All I could think about were those poor little bodies, broken. Their lives- lost. Before they even began. Senseless. There is one aspect of this tragedy I will not give a moments pause to- the deranged man behind it all. I will not type his name. He deserves not one second of thought. Not one word of attention. Nothing. Nothing at all. I wish the news would stop reporting and discussing him ad nauseam. Turn it off. It’s not about him right now.

Of course I understand why.

But not now.

Now is for grieving. Now is for healing. Now is for honoring. Now is for remembering Charlotte, Daniel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Madeline, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Benjamin, Allison, Mary, Victoria, Anne, Lauren, Dawn and Rachel. Rest peacefully, dear souls.

I finished my run, wiped a tear and exhaled.

20121216-231646.jpg

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “A Heavy Hearted Run

  1. It is incomprehensible. I taught elementary school kids for twenty years. Friday was a very tough day. Teachers have been vilified lately by those who have no understanding of what it means to teach. I think the actions of the brave and heroic teachers and staff in Sandy Hook will set the record straight. Every single adult that day put the children first, not themselves. What a tragedy, such a loss.

    • Devastating. I think you’re absolutely right. I hope it does reiterate what it means to teach. Those teachers were so very brave and heroic. Calm and in control. I can remember thinking my teachers were the brightest people alive when I was in elementary school. That they knew everything- what to do, how to act, what was right, what was wrong. I trusted them. These teachers protected their children as if they were their own on Friday. They were everything a teacher should be and much more. My heart heaves for the loss.

  2. Oh,Colby. I’m right there with you. My heart is broken over this. Too much emotion for my body to handle- devastation, awe at the bravery of the teachers inside that building, grief, confusion, anger, disgust. Running wasn’t enough for me, either.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s