I have been exceedingly sad the past few days. My mind cannot clear. My heart is heavy. My tears have flowed on and off. I heard about the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown like the rest of the world did on Friday while out for a holiday lunch. We walked in, sat down and saw the unfolding of horrific events live on television. I caught that they were talking about a mass shooting. Massacre? In Newtown. Newtown, Connecticut. Roughly 25 or so miles from where I was standing.
This is happening in Connecticut?!?! Connecticut. This is here?!?! I yelled incredulously.
Since that moment I have done nothing but think of those brave teachers who acted with such calm and grace while the unthinkable was happening within feet of their classrooms. Beyond courageous. I have done nothing but think about the families who have lost their sons and daughters grieving for their children. Beyond heart wrenching. I have thought incessantly about those 20 children. I can’t stop thinking about them. Those 20 beautiful, pure, honest, good little people slain–murdered–in cold blood. At school. It takes my breathe away.
As always, when I need clarity, I run. Today there just weren’t enough miles to lift the sadness. I ran as if being chased. I thought I could dodge the sadness, but I just wasn’t fast enough today. All I could think about were those poor little bodies, broken. Their lives- lost. Before they even began. Senseless. There is one aspect of this tragedy I will not give a moments pause to- the deranged man behind it all. I will not type his name. He deserves not one second of thought. Not one word of attention. Nothing. Nothing at all. I wish the news would stop reporting and discussing him ad nauseam. Turn it off. It’s not about him right now.
Of course I understand why.
But not now.
Now is for grieving. Now is for healing. Now is for honoring. Now is for remembering Charlotte, Daniel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Madeline, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Benjamin, Allison, Mary, Victoria, Anne, Lauren, Dawn and Rachel. Rest peacefully, dear souls.
I finished my run, wiped a tear and exhaled.