Trader Joe. Back on the smack.

The first rule in shopping at Trader Joes: Never Shop Hungry. Why I did not follow my own advice is another story altogether. Hey. I thought I could handle it. I thought I had control. (Ummm. Yeah. No Colby. No.)

So I walk in the joint and what before my darting eyes should appear? Yup. You guessed it. Cookie Butter. But wait. What’s that say on the jar?? Oh no just wait.

Ready?

CRUNCHY. Pusher Joe is pedaling CRUNCHY Cookie Butter. As if the smooth style wasn’t addictive enough.

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Spreadable Crack.

What the deuce?? CRUNCHY. As in little bits of cookie yumminess in every single solitary spoonful. I literally “Ohhhhh’d!” like a 3 year old who sees a beautiful shiny object (i.e the tree at Rockefeller Center) for the first time. Their eyes glaze over. They drool a little. And they out stretch their greedy little hands as if to say “Gimme.” Yeah that was me: A 3 year old zombie in a 40 year old starving woman’s body. I threw 2 jars in my cart and ran wildly down the aisle.

Like I stole it.

Next aisle.

I’m now quickening up my shopping pace. Which is unusual for me at Trader Joe’s. I love this place. The sooner I get home, the sooner I stick my muzzle in the crack Crunchy Cookie Butter. What catches my eye on the 3rd shelf?? THIS.

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Edible crack.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

I black out.

(Ok maybe I didn’t black out. Maybe that was what experiencing Pure Bliss was like. A black out.)

Dark delicious Belgian chocolate stuffed full of Cookie Butter. I freak. I throw 2 in my cart and PR it to the register. (5.0 minute mile. Easy. Winner!) I load my Cookie Butter products onto the belt first (And offer to put them in my purse for safe keeping. “Oh I’ll just take those 4.” I mutter crazily. Nervous laughter erupts from Trader Joesphine), throw in Tart Cherry Juice, Beet and Purple Carrot juice, butternut squash (and some other objects that are completely irrelevant at this point), toss a handful of cash at the smiling Trader Joe Lady, and run to my car (glancing quickly over my shoulder like I was about to be mugged and left for dead in the parking lot.) I hightail it home.

I can’t even remember the drive.

And?

Nirvana. Pure unadulterated Nirvana. Try them. And let me know just how giddy with pleasure you get.

Oh and…You’re welcome. 🙂

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8 thoughts on “Trader Joe. Back on the smack.

  1. I saw the crunchy the other day and meant to text you!! It’s painful enough that I can’t eat any of it, but for TJ to combine it with dark Belgian chocolate is just devastating. I may have to grab my epipen, the chocolate speculoos and hightail it to my nearest ER for a fix.

  2. Sheeeeesh, I avoid Trader Joe’s like the plague for this reason…my girlfriend had me hooked on Power Berries for a while. I have too much of a sweet tooth so I try to limit adding extra stuff but I may mention this to her…if she picks it up, I can’t control that right?!?

    • Casually slip Cookie Butter into the conversation. Maybe something like this:
      “Oh Hey Baby. I love those new shoes. They’d be better covered with Cookie Butter. Did I say Cookie Butter? Oh no Baby. I meant to say they’d look better in red. Cookie Butter. What was I thinking?”

      • What?…what is Cookie Butter? That doesn’t even make sense…I didn’t say that, you misheard me…where did you even get Cookie Butter from RED? Anyway, those new shoes shoes are so smooth…like Cookie Butter…

      • You’re right. It doesn’t make sense. I’m hypoglycemic. And I just got back from a 5 mile run at lunch. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m currently eating a Ricola cough drop for sustenance. Oh how I long for Cookie Butter….the Crunchy kind…in the red jar…..

  3. Hi Colby! I have never ever bought something at Trader Joe’s and not loved it, although I have yet to try either of those two treats. Crunchy Cookie Butter??? We are scheduled to go grocery shopping this evening, so I foresee some peanut butter nirvana in my future.

    • Hi Amy! Ohhhh it’s heaven on earth. The stuff that dreams are made of. (Ok. That might be a bit much. But it’s damn good.) I love Trader Joe’s. I really do. Great place. Let me know what you think!!!! I need to figure out how to incorporate it into recipes. My friend just made crepes filled with it. I nearly fainted. Enjoy!!!!!

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