The first rule in shopping at Trader Joes: Never Shop Hungry. Why I did not follow my own advice is another story altogether. Hey. I thought I could handle it. I thought I had control. (Ummm. Yeah. No Colby. No.)
So I walk in the joint and what before my darting eyes should appear? Yup. You guessed it. Cookie Butter. But wait. What’s that say on the jar?? Oh no just wait.
CRUNCHY. Pusher Joe is pedaling CRUNCHY Cookie Butter. As if the smooth style wasn’t addictive enough.
What the deuce?? CRUNCHY. As in little bits of cookie yumminess in every single solitary spoonful. I literally “Ohhhhh’d!” like a 3 year old who sees a beautiful shiny object (i.e the tree at Rockefeller Center) for the first time. Their eyes glaze over. They drool a little. And they out stretch their greedy little hands as if to say “Gimme.” Yeah that was me: A 3 year old zombie in a 40 year old starving woman’s body. I threw 2 jars in my cart and ran wildly down the aisle.
Like I stole it.
I’m now quickening up my shopping pace. Which is unusual for me at Trader Joe’s. I love this place. The sooner I get home, the sooner I stick my muzzle in the
crack Crunchy Cookie Butter. What catches my eye on the 3rd shelf?? THIS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
I black out.
(Ok maybe I didn’t black out. Maybe that was what experiencing Pure Bliss was like. A black out.)
Dark delicious Belgian chocolate stuffed full of Cookie Butter. I freak. I throw 2 in my cart and PR it to the register. (5.0 minute mile. Easy. Winner!) I load my Cookie Butter products onto the belt first (And offer to put them in my purse for safe keeping. “Oh I’ll just take those 4.” I mutter crazily. Nervous laughter erupts from Trader Joesphine), throw in Tart Cherry Juice, Beet and Purple Carrot juice, butternut squash (and some other objects that are completely irrelevant at this point), toss a handful of cash at the smiling Trader Joe Lady, and run to my car (glancing quickly over my shoulder like I was about to be mugged and left for dead in the parking lot.) I hightail it home.
I can’t even remember the drive.
Nirvana. Pure unadulterated Nirvana. Try them. And let me know just how giddy with pleasure you get.
Oh and…You’re welcome. 🙂