Read. Believe. Repeat.

I wonder how long it will take for me to actually warm up? I am chilled to the bone. I have a beagle on my lap who is the temperature of a small tricolored furnace. And yet, I am freezing. I ran 18 miles this morning in wet, light snow. When I finished, I started shivering and haven’t stopped yet. That was 3 hours ago.

Training for a spring marathon is hard. Especially when you live in Connecticut which received roughly 3 feet of snow last week. Who needs Warrior Dash? There should be a “Abominable Snowman Dash” with obstacles like Plow Dodging, Snow Pile Jumping, and Slush Running. Screw those hot stinky sweaty mud runs. (I would totally medal in Plow Dodging by the way. I am good.) I had an “ok” run. It wasn’t my best, it wasn’t my worst. It was long. I’ll give you that. My body felt a little sluggish today, a little “old” feeling if you will, which got me thinking….

A while ago (Back when Tina and I were Baby Bloggers), Tina had written a piece about body acceptance entitled Your Body Is a Wonderland. Read it. It was honest. It was authentic. It was genuine- just like Tina. She had asked me a question in that blog post- a “Ok Colby. Gimme the Top 10 Reasons YOUR Body is a Wonderland.”

MY body? (Hey! Not fair! You started this shit Lady!)

I immediately began sweating. She wanted me to actually LIST what I LIKED about myself?! Oh Poodle. (Sweat beading.) So I really thought about it. I wanted to be honest. Genuine. Authentic. I wrote my Top 10 List in a reply. Ten things I LIKE about myself. The list was harder to complete than today’s 18 mile run. The list entered my mind today the same time I decided that I hated my body. That my legs need to be stronger. That my core needs to be tighter. That I need to be 7 pounds lighter. (Yes. 7. A nice prime number.) I just dragged myself out of bed on a snowy morning and ran a boatload of miles. I should be HAPPY with myself. Why all the self-loathing? I’m not quite sure. I was uncharacteristically hard on myself. And it bummed me out. I was sure I needed to drag out my “reply” and revisit it. I need to keep reading it until I believe it. So. No more hiding in a reply.

Top Ten Reasons Why Colby’s Body Is A Wonderland:

1. I have a huge mouth. And an awful lot of teeth. My smile is massive. My laugh comes from my core. It’s bigger than big. And loud. Really loud. I happen to love laughing and smiling which works out quite well under the circumstances. Oddly, I don’t have laugh lines….yet.

2. My stomach is flat. Even at my heaviest weight in college, it was flat. Cap’n Crunch, wings, beer, nachos….still flat. Never an apple, more like small pear. Now I’m balanced and lean.

3. I have a pin in my ankle and do not have eversion or inversion in my right foot. Yet I have run 4 marathons, 15+ half marathons, and logged 1,000s of miles running and it has not given up on me. Ever. Sometimes she let’s me know she’s there, and I baby her. My ankle isn’t perfect, but she behaves perfectly. The scar that tattoos much of my ankle and foot only make me look tougher. Bad ass even.

4. My back is very muscular- even when I’m not lifting. Arms and shoulders too. My colleague told me I was “jacked”. It made me smile. (Then I challenged him to arm wrestle.)

5. I have a crooked middle finger. So does my mother and her mother. I love that.

6. My eyes are brown. Not the perfect piercing blue of my sister, the gray-blue kind eyes of my mother, nor the beautiful green of my brother. They are brown like my father’s. But mine are light brown. Sometimes amber. They are sensitive, soulful and smiley all at once.

7. I have strong legs. They carry me everywhere. They are short, but man they are mighty. I KNOW my 40 year old legs can kick the snot out of my 25 year old ones before they even knew what hit them.

8. My crow’s feet have hummingbird’s feet. My face is not weathered but it does look older than when I was 30. (However, it looks better at 40 so I’ll take the trade off.)

9. Because John Mayer told me so. (Honest!)

10. My body is a wonderland because despite how hard I am on her sometimes, she never disappoints. She works as she should, free of complications. For that I should honor her more.

Read. Believe. Repeat. Today and always.

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3 thoughts on “Read. Believe. Repeat.

    • Thanks! 🙂 Sometimes I focus so much on what I dislike, I lose sight of what I do like and appreciate about myself. In all seriousness, that little list was far harder to put on paper than the run. And that is pathetic.

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