Ups and Downs

Not much running this week due to some medical drama, but of course that doesn’t mean I have nothing to talk about. Sadly for my poor husband, my mouth still works just fine.

And what a rollercoaster of a week it was.

I started off my week with a biopsy on Monday morning. Yeah…the dreaded “B” word that you always hope (pray, beg, plead) will at least not be followed with the dreaded “C” diagnosis. After a few difficult days, I was incredibly lucky to learn that my biopsy had a great – “clean,” “negative,” benign” – whatever heavenly word you want to assign to it – result. Phew. Big exhale. Bullet dodged, crisis averted, time to hit the reset button and return to life as usual. Minus the running. Not quite yet.

I, of course, learned a few things (or in some cases, was reminded of things I already knew) while I was sitting around fretting and not running:

1. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. While facing the prospect of a cancer diagnosis, I mostly focused on the fact that I would have to cancel a few of my upcoming races and tried to sort out (bolstered with multiple google searches on exercising during cancer treatment) which ones I thought I could still squeeze in, which ones were maybes and which were off the table. Because, you know, when a woman with a loving family and dear friends is faced with a serious illness, the most important thing is getting the spring and summer racing schedule in order. It’s refreshing to know that Scarlett O’Hara lives on inside of me and if a real crisis ever hits, I’ll be able to live in happy denial for at least a little while.

2. My family is awesome. My friends are amazing. They make the Steel Magnolias look like a bunch of self-absorbed weaklings.

3. It’s tough to be positive when you become a “patient.” I felt much more upbeat about the whole situation until I arrived at the medical center for my biopsy. Then it became apparent to me that all of the lovely – and they were truly lovely – people there were treating me with kid gloves because they saw me as a potential cancer patient. Eek. That scared the ever loving shit out of me. I haven’t received that many sympathetic looks since I was pregnant and managed to dump the entire contents of my briefcase on a train platform at Grand Central Station in 2001. I don’t do well being on the receiving end of a pitying look. When someone else sees you as a patient, it is hard for you to feel strong. Or positive. I need to remember this the next time someone I know is ill.

4. I cannot take my health for granted. I am so lucky to be able to run, cycle, ski, spin, and do all of the other active things that I like to do. Even if I take the best care of myself possible, stuff happens, and something beyond my control could take away my ability to be active when I least expect it. I always enjoy exercising, and definitely enjoy “the moment” when I am running and cycling, but I don’t think I properly appreciate how lucky I am simply to be able to do those things. Well, at least I didn’t. I sure do now.

5. I’m crabby when I can’t get out and do something active on a beautiful day. Tuesday and Wednesday, two of the most beautiful days weather-wise of the year, were tough on my psyche, especially since I didn’t even feel up to taking a walk. I haven’t returned to running yet, but was able to ride these past 2 days, and oh, what bliss! Blue skies, warm breeze and an open road. Heaven. But I still can’t wait until I can run again. Maybe Sunday. Maybe Monday. Not a moment too soon, whenever it may be. My Glycerin 9’s look sad and lonely.

6. When it comes to your life, “uneventful” is not synonymous with “boring.” If you have good family, good friends and good health, that’s more than anyone can hope for. Excitement is overrated and the next time I feel bored, I’m going to revel in it. And maybe throw a party.

Have a happy, healthy weekend everyone!

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4 thoughts on “Ups and Downs

  1. I am so glad you wrote about Monday. So glad. Partly because if you didn’t, you would have turned into an old “Friend” and I would have written a very emotional, anxious post. As always, you amaze me with your strength, class and grace, my beautiful friend.

    Now I can exhale. Xoxo

  2. I got kind of concerned when I started reading this…glad everything came back…negative…they really need to switch that terminology. Those Glycerin’s are calling your name this week!

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