Day 3 of being tethered to my couch. 8 inches of snow outside. A pair of snowshoes weeps quietly in the corner. Stacks of magazines piled beagle height sit on the coffee table, dog eared. A 1,000 piece puzzle rests partially unfinished. Ricola wrappers lay strewn about like confetti tossed after celebrating the World’s Largest Pity Party.
My running shoes have locked themselves in the laundry room.
We all have surrendered.
The flu sucks. And I am not a good patient. I am getting antsy. I am also wondering when I will actually feel better. I’m hoping tomorrow will be a Whole New Fever Free Day. I would probably be more antsy if I actually felt human and it wasn’t currently 6 degrees outside. But alas, here I am, clad in my favorite sweats and a Madonna circa 2008 “Sticky and Sweet Tour” T-shirt. Ironic really, as I am far from sweet today. More like Snotty and Phlegmatic.
In addition to binge watching Dexter, catching an episode of Kathie Lee & Hoda for the first time (Are people really watching them? Holy Booze Bags.), I’ve also been catching up on The Blogosphere and perusing the internet. In the process, I decided to pull the trigger on the Key Bank Vermont City Marathon. It must have been the fever because right now I don’t think I can run to the mailbox. I figure I’ll run again….Someday.
What I did accomplish today was in the fact department. I learned 5 Fun Facts which I will gleefully share with you. I will warn you. They are totally rando. Give me a pass. I’m delirious.
1. The Best Pizza in America is from New Haven, Connecticut. Frank Pepe’s to be exact. This will not come as a shock to us New Haveners. We tend to be of 2 camps. You like Pepe’s (No. 1) or you like Sally’s (No. 7). Actually. Scratch that. 3 camps have emerged. Pepe’s, Sally’s or Modern Apizza (No. 11). I myself have a serious thing for Pepe’s White Clam Pie. And Sally’s plain apizza?? There is nothing better. Ever. Period. The end.
2. Spanx are squeezing the life out of you. Apparently doctors are now saying that shape wear can squeeze internal organs, cause digestive issues, bacterial and bladder infections and affect breathing. It’s the Corset of 2014. Only because we don’t have a trio of attendants to lace us in, we squeeze our asses into them in a bizarre Spanx Dance. Come on people. I like to be smooth and sleek as much as the next gal but I’m not risking a bladder infection and a course of sulfa drugs to look skinny. Seriously. Triple Spanx-ing. That’s the rumor. Can’t we just like who we are for a change without nerve damage and digestive issues? It’s exhausting.
3. Froot Loops are all the same flavor. LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN. They are all the same damn flavor. I’ve been fed a bowl of fortified lies since the late 70s. What a damn let down. I blame that asshole Toucan Sam for perpetuating the myth. Self righteous bird. His “nose always knows” my ass. What is “Froot” anyway? It’s not “Fruit.” I should have known it was a sham blend all along. Sheesh.
4. Lena Dunham was photoshopped on the cover of Vogue. For the love of all things Chanel, EVERYONE IS PHOTOSHOPPED ON THE COVER OF VOGUE. Is anyone shocked? Does it really matter? We photoshop our own selfies on Instagram for Pete’s sake. Should there be outrage? At least they chose to put an un-emaciated woman on the cover and not some beautiful alien with fabulous hair and a 3 inch thigh gap. Baby steps. Baby steps.
5. The oldest Facebook user turned 106 years old today. Edythe Kirchmaier is also California’s oldest licensed driver and the oldest living graduate of the University of Chicago. When Edythe first signed up for Facebook, she couldn’t enter her birth year. It took Zuckerberg et al. one month to verify her age and fix the glitch. 1908. Telegraphs. Candle stick telephones. And the Model T Ford. Now she’s posting status updates on Facebook. Go figure.
Neat, right? Just a few tidbits from The Land of Flu. From me to you.