I am seriously considering becoming a foot model.
Said no runner. EVER.
Gah. My hooves. My poor, banged up, calloused feet. Thank god they’re far away from my STILL hideous, scarred, healing face. (No worries. My feet will never be near my face. I can’t do scorpion pose if my life depended on it.) I’m a godamn LOOKER these days. These poor paws have run quite a few miles the past few years. Quite a few. And lemme tell ya, they ARE worse for wear. I need to put these poor bitches UP. And then run a belt sander over them. Sweet Jesus.
Now that I’m tapering and obsessively checking weather.com for next Sunday’s forecast, I’ve been over analyzing every little twinge, cramp, tightness, ache, pain, callous and breath. This includes intense scrutiny of my piggies. The positive? Zero black toenails. I should stop right now.
Clearly, I have won! Although I do still have a black eye. So I guess I’m back to negative? Damn. So close!
I know I don’t have any black toenails because I have been sans pedicure FOR MONTHS. That’s right. No polish. Why? Because distance runners need to see their
ugly toes. At least this distance runner does. The one time I left Opi’s “Lincoln Park After Dark” on them, I didn’t realize my nail was longer than I’d like, and it banged against my sneak for an entire half marathon with 3 miles STRAIGHT DOWN HILL. RIP ring finger toe nail. RIP. Ever since then, I’ve been proactive about foot health. And in order to be proactive, you need to keep a close eye on those puppies. Wrong sneaker fit? Ill fitting socks? Blisters? Jacked up foot strike? Whatever the problem, you’re better off discovering it sooner than later.
On this, One-Week-Till-Marathon-Eve, my nails are all firmly on. I have decided on my socks and race day running duds. With weather options. Must have options. My left knee feels weird. And if my lower back was any tighter, you could totally play the opening chords to Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit on it. Massage on Tuesday. 🙂 I am fighting off Taper Madness by beating the shit out of it with a foam roller. The callouses however are staying for now. They’re like little badges of honor. They’ve got one week. Then it’s time to apologize profusely to the Pedicurist and Pick My Color. Christ. I may even send her an Edible Arrangement afterward.
How many toenails have YOU lost running? Do you look like you bought your toes at a Used Toe Sale? How do you handle The Taper?