If You Can’t Be An Athlete, Be An Athletic Supporter

Photo Courtesy of RSO/Paramount Pictures

Photo Courtesy of RSO/Paramount Pictures


Extra credit for anyone who knew that was a quote from “Grease.”

Some people are running the KeyBank Vermont City Marathon on Sunday. And I am not. So, since I obviously have no current marathon training experiences to share, I thought I’d write down some tips for supporting a friend in getting through the weeks before a marathon.

1. Sign up to track her. Then check and make sure that the method you chose (facebook) is ok. And then when she tells you it is not, go back and change to her preferred method (text). Since she can only have 3 people track her by text, make sure you get in there early so you can elbow out the rest of her loved ones.

2. Obsessively check the weather for the location of the marathon. Obsessively. Save it as a favorite location on weather.com. If it looks good, text her. If it doesn’t, shut the hell up. And plead with Mother Nature.

3. Use your foam roller, even though you hate it and you don’t even need it because you are not training for a marathon, or anything in particular. You know she must be using it and you want to be prepared to commiserate when she complains about it.

4. Send her supportive texts. For most people, “You put in the work, get ready to reap the benefits!” & “You Got This!” will suffice. If your friend happens to be Colby, lean more toward sayings like “Are you ready to kick Ben & Jerry’s asses?” If you can work Mother F*cker into a cheer, so much the better. e.g – “Hey Colby – you vs. 26.2: Yippee Ki Yay, MF!”

5. Take a look at the course map so you know which miles she’ll be bitching about after the race and which spots she is already dreading. Make sure you know the start time so you can start sending strong running vibes her way at the appropriate time. Let her know that she may be running this sucker alone physically, but you’ll be there in spirit -especially at the mile 15 hill- and will mentally push her up it if you have to.

6. Support her in her taper period abstinence. Or, if you live far enough away that you won’t see her, continue boozing as much as you want, but keep it on the down low. Refrain from bragging about your wild night or complaining about your hangover to her. Remind her that there will be beer and ice cream after the race and she can make up for the past 2 weeks of clean living in a single afternoon.BOOM! Just like that.

7. Provide her with positive self-talk. Know that at any moment she may be peering over the cliff and stand at the ready to pull her back. Make explicit threats to the negative voices in her head. Explicit. GET EXCITED! Get excited for her so she remembers to be excited for herself.

8. Provide her with a song to play at Mile 19 (Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now”) so she gets both a boost from the tune and from thinking of you and knowing that you will be rooting for her every step of the way.

9. Text her constantly throughout the week. Skirt the stalking laws. She’s going crazy and could use the distraction, even if it is just to tell her that you got a new blender.

10. Remind her that SHE’S GOT THIS! The finish line is waiting. The worst that could happen is that she has a slower-than-expected run through a truly beautiful part of the world. And that ain’t so bad.



38 thoughts on “If You Can’t Be An Athlete, Be An Athletic Supporter

  1. Grease was my sisters favorite movie growing up, so I must have watched it 30+ times with her! Lots of funny lines in that movie! You are definitely being a great “athletic supporter”! Haha colby is one lucky gal to have someone like you supporting her! These are great tips! 🙂

  2. I can’t stop laughing. YOU’RE THE BEST ATHLETIC SUPPORTER EVER!!!! I should just post our text exchange from the past week. TRUE PEOPLE. ALL TRUE! I loved my curt “Get text ones. No use showing the world how fucking slow I am” regarding Facebook updates. I’M A MONSTER THIS WEEK. I’m telling you, it’s that goddamn fall. Took the wind out of my sails, jacked my neck and back up AND DISFIGURED MY FACE. The only one you’re missing is this:

    11. When she complains INCESSANTLY about how hideous she is after wrecking her face during a long run, tell her calmly to make the appointment at the plastic surgeon, then offer to take her out drinking and stinking afterwards.

    My sweet, best friend. Thank you for being My Athletic Supporter. I don’t know what I would do without our genuine, authentic, wonderful Friendship. Your advice means the world to me. Especially this:

    {On hearing about my last long run was just “Meh”}. Sucky dress rehearsals often precede award winning performances.

    So, so true. But when all is said and done, the best piece of advice was you telling me that if I didn’t “Shut that bitch up inside of my head.” You will “cut her.”

    You know shit just got real when T-Bone gets all gangsta on your self-doubting ass. 🙂


    • And now I’m laughing. And laughing.
      Who would have thought Lily could raise a daughter who would threaten an internal voice with I’ll Cut the Bitch????


    • You guys are awesome! Laughing my butt off here!! Makes me wish I had a runner buddy who’s as crazy-obsessed about running marathons as I am. Don’t get me wrong, I have runner buddies, but not one of them really gets me. They run one or two halfs a year, during which time they’re texting me for advice and encouragement left and right, but the rest of the year they just shake their heads, roll their eyes, and wonder if I’ll ever shut the hell up about my IT band or the color of my toenails. I can’t blame them. I can barely stand myself sometimes! LOL! Such is the fate of a diehard distance runner who’s addicted to race day and, dare I neglect, those shiny little tokens of awesomeness known as race medals!

      • You just found yourself TWO Runner Buddies Toni! Damn. Now that’s one hell of an awesome day. 🙂 I’ve seriously been laughing all day about Tina’s post. Because it’s all TRUE! And have the texts to prove it! There is nothing like a friend Who Runs. I’m finding more and more of them through this Silly Little Blog. Here’s to more tokens of awesomeness! {Clink!}

  3. Get it Colby! YOU GOT THIS! Great points–spectating can be as a sport and an art as the event being spectated. Also, Grease was on the other night, and the Principal is one of my fave characters…

  4. My favorite Grease quote is ” Bite the Weenie Moron” but that would just be me. And in your above item # 7, I misread it the first time and missed the “r ” in peering, as in over the cliff.
    I think that …” You’ll be swell. you’ll be great.” Without resorting to the internets which show sports that line and who is the author of said phrase?

  5. Ph please Girrrrrrl – I think it’s time you channel your inner “Chumbawamba” and repeat after me:

    Now stop all this “head game” nonsense – put on your big girl panties – and Run Colby Run.

    So proud of you – you little BEAST!

    • She sure is Salt! My partner in running crime. She is the proverbial “bomb”.

      T-Bone. This is Salt. If she lived closer to us, she would totally be Our Friend in Real Life. Totes. For now, Blog Buddy will have to do! 🙂

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