Super Saturated


I have hit my Pumpkin Spice Saturation Point. And it’s not even goddamn fall yet. In fact, this post is 3 weeks late because I actually hit my PSSP in August. AUGUST. That’s summer. I believe the day I hit it, it was 90 degrees with 90% humidity and I had just cut a long run short because I was a dehydrated, delirious mess. That day did not scream “BRING ON THE NUTMEG PUMPKIN-Y HEAVINESS!! HOORAY!”  Maybe I could have choked down an ICED pumpkin spice coffee (on the beach, in a bikini) but certainly not a hot one. The Facts:

  • Halloween Costumes were gone by the end of July.
  • I saw a turkey, a Pilgrim and a cornucopia in August.
  • And Santa better thrown on his board shorts because I spied his jolly old ass a week ago.

What is the goddamn rush?

Slow down.

For the love of Autumn, slow down. Please. We’re all rushed enough. Can we not ENJOY the Seasons? Can’t we happily anticipate the Holidays, without having them jammed down our throats, months in advance? Can’t we enjoy seasonal shit in the the season they are supposed to actually occur? They’re killing me. And I love pumpkin spice. I do. Let that be known. But honest to gourds, shit is getting crazy. In case you haven’t noticed, here’s what’s new on the Pumpkin Spice Horizon. It’s kind of a natural progression here- breakfast, snacks, happy hour and (cough) desert.

1. Bigelow, Pumpkin Spice Tea. Not too crazy. Nice. Yummy. Hot tea.

pumpkin spice tea

2. Eggo, Limited Edition, Pumpkin Spice Waffles. Betcha they’re not all that bad, in a sugary card board kinda way.

pumpkin spice waffles

3. Limited Batch Chobani Pumpkin Spice Greek Yogurt. This might not be all that bad. They might be on to something with this one. Is ‘pumpkin spice’ the new ‘honey’ in Greece? I’m going out on a limb and saying, No.

pumpkin spice chobani

4.Thomas’ Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Bagels. I’ve had these. They ain’t bad. Like at all.

pumpkin spice bagels

5. Limited Edition Kraft Philadelphia Pumpkin Spice Flavored Cream Cheese. Spread this on your Pumpkin Spice Bagel and you might OD. That might be a bit much.

pumpkin spice cream cheese

6. So Delicious Dairy Free Pumpkin Spice Coconut Milk. Come on. This is getting to be a bit much.

pumpkin spice coconut

7. Planter Pumpkin Spice Almonds. WHAT? Hey. Wait a minute. Now those I really might try….

pumpkin spice almonds8. Pumpkin Pie Spice Pringles. By the way, they’re artificially flavored in case you thought Pumpkin Pie Spice was a naturally occurring substance.

pumpkin spice pringles 9. Pumpkin Spice Hershey’s Kisses. Oh come on. You’re killing me.

pumpkin spice kisses

10. Pumpkin Spice M&Ms. Even the M&M looks goddamn horrified. He is so over this.

pumpkin spice mm 11.  Pumpkin Spice Oreo’s. Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that these bad boys taste like an Autumn Yankee Candle?

pumpkin spice oreos

12. HIT Supplements Pumpkin Spice Premium Whey Blend. Become a Giant Pumpkin. NOW. Seasonal Supplements. Yup. Seasonal Supplements, guaranteed to PUMP you up. See what I just did right there? pumpkin spice whey protein

13. Starbuck’s Pumpkin Spice Latte Ice Cream. I’m sorry. I think I just fainted. NOW THIS ONE I AM BUYING. Perhaps in bulk. I vote this the Number One addition to the Pumpkin Spice Line Up. And when is it supposedly going to hit the shelves? IN NOVEMBER. When it should, dammit. Who knows. This post is light on research. It’s probably already out. And was in April. Let’s not fact check among friends, shall we?

pumpkin spice ice cream

14. Pinnacle Pumpkin Pie Vodka. Now we’re talking! And check out that martini. Shit’s got a crust. Impressive. I think I just got Type II Diabetes at the mere sight of that cocktail. Holy Sweetness.

pinnacle pumpkin pie vodka

15. Durex Pumpkin Spice Condom. Wait. What the?!?!?  COME ON. 🙂

pumpkin spice condom

Because THAT’S how ridiculous it is out there. This concludes my rant. Thank you for reading. Now back to running….

Have you OD’d on Pumpkin Spice? Have you tried any of these? (Not the condom., Silly. That was an internet myth.) Am I missing any REALLY ridiculous ones?


46 thoughts on “Super Saturated

  1. Holy pumpkin spice batgirl. You’ve me over here convulsing like a junkie haha! I didn’t even know there was that much pumpkin in the world to go around, let alone that many different products.

  2. Pumpkin Pringles? Too far. I haven’t seen anything pumpkin-related in Europe, and it actually feels and looks like fall outside. I don’t think I’ve even had a pumpkin soy latte (?) from Starbucks before, but I’ve been reading so much about it on the internet I feel like I need to try one…

  3. What’s the big deal? I just filled up my gas tank with unleaded pumpkin spice and had 200 gallons of Pumpkin Spice Number 2 heating oil delivered just last week. The Pumpkin Spice Lobby thanks you for your support as we continue to ram our genetically modified chemical flavorings down your collective throats. Have a nice day.

  4. I love fall. I love pumpkin. I sort of like PS lattes, and usually get one a year just because. But I fully agree with you that we need to slow our roll on this crap. Fall is my favorite, and it’s short, but that’s part of what makes it awesome. It’s 80 degrees outside right now, for gourd’s sake! (totally stealing your joke 😉 )

    But yeah, Imma get my hands on that pumpkin spice ice cream in November 🙂

  5. I’m not a pumpkin spice latte fan, preferring instead the salted caramel mocha, so it’s hard for me to understand the pumpkin spice phenomenon. It’s apparently a thing, though. In fact, I’m surprised Apple didn’t have some sort of pumpkin-spice tie-in with its huge announcement yesterday.

    • I am ALL about salted caramel anything. Even Pringles, if they made ’em. I like pumpkin spice, but not ALLSPICEALLDAYALLMONTH. I am a fan of apple stuff which has sadly gone straight to the back shelf.

  6. LOL, great idea for a post! BTW, I blame Starbux for all of this. Those stupid pumpkin spice lattes everyone is always going on about on Facebook. But have you seen the article going around that claims they don’t even put an actual pumpkin in the drink? Or real spices for that matter – it’s basically all chemicals. Blergh.

    I want a martini with a crust…I wouldn’t eat it cause of the trans fats in pie crusts, but I still want it. Once, in college, my roomates and I saw a commercial for a DQ ice cream pizza. In the commercial they took the pizza out of an oven. We had to have it. We made the one roomate’s sober boyfriend drive us to the nearest DQ. LOL. They even served it in a pizza box. I regret nothing!

    • None of this shit had REAL punkin’ in it. And I would TOTALLY have a Crusted Martini! Ahhh DQ. What I wouldn’t give for a Dilly Bar….. Or a vanilla cone dipped in that cherry crap. Sweet DQ pizza run! That’s awesome!!!!! 🙂

  7. What? No Pumpkin Spice Beer? You’re slipping. The Colby I know would NEVER post a pic of tea and forget to post one of beer. NEVER. Tea? Who the hell are you and what did you do with my Bestie? I’m coming by to stage an intervention. With a 12-pack of Dogfish Head Punkin Ale. STAT!

  8. Seasonal Supplements? –> LOL
    But seriously. I haven’t tried PSLs mainly b/c I’ve seen how addicted everyone else is, so I figure I can’t get addicted myself if I avoid tasting their supposed deliciousness 🙂
    I can not echo your SLOW DOWN sentiment enough. Please people, let me enjoy the last couple weeks of summer before rushing into fall. Fall means winter is coming, and I’m not entirely ok with that. Though I am ok with candy corn 😉

    • I’m about to drop a bomb.
      I don’t like Pumpkin Spice Lattes. {BOOM!!!!} I love lattes. And throwing pumpkin flavored high fructose corn syrup in them makes me die a little inside.

      Everything is on Fast Forward these days. And I hate it. The ability to savor and enjoy something without rushing to the next is becoming a lost art. Sigh. I’m not getting my pumpkins until the middle of October. THERE. I SAID IT.

  9. Omg… pumpkin spice condoms… is that how they got down on the Mayflower? This post is f**king awesome girl. Love it! I like the Celestial Seasonings pumpkin spice black tea.. and I will house a loaf of pumpkin bread, but I don’t really get the pumpkin spice and glitter on the floor obsession at Thanksgiving. I also was given pumpkin brownies last year which were pretty tasty, then again most things involving dark chocolate chips and pumpkin seeds are!

    • They threw their hats off, unbuckled their square toed shoes AND ROCKED THAY MAYFLOWER. Thank you! And pumpkin seeds and dark chocolate are the shit. Period the end. I don’t care what season.

      Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Bread. It’s outstanding. The only thing I won’t make from scratch. Addictive. But don’t say I didn’t warn you….

  10. OMG, I had no idea the Pumpkin spice thang was so out of control. I may consider the tea but clinging to the false hope that summer last a few more weeks. Can’t start drinking hot tea until the weather changes.

    Great post

  11. I don’t really care for much of the pumpkin spice flavored offerings EVER. The taste is weird to me. I don’t like pumpkin pie either. The almonds I could maybe do but I’ll let you enjoy the other items 😉

    • I don’t mind SOME of them (Read: The ones that don’t taste like a melted pumpkin spice Yankee Candle) But I am drawing the line with quite a few on the list. The Almonds may make the cut. Not a chance for the Pringles. 🙂

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