Cheaper Than Therapy

I have had a week. I. Have. Had. A. Freaking. Week. Is that clear enough?

End of my rope, hanging by a thread, on the brink…name your cliché, and I was there yesterday morning.

Everything with me actually is fine. But so, so many people that are around me are hurting – physically, emotionally, mentally. Sometimes it just feels like too much. I love so many people who are going through hard times right now. It hurts. It seems the whole world is hurting (the whole world is really f*cked up, too, but that is another post altogether).

I hesitate to pick up the phone in case it is more bad news.

I am terrified to click on a newslink for fear that I will view something so horrific that it is burned into my retina for the rest of my days.

I cannot stand the days leading up to September 11. I was in NYC that day. That beautiful blue-skied day in my beloved city that erupted into terror and black smoke. I was safe, thank God, but forever changed. I was 7 months pregnant, stuck in a city that was both locked down and under attack with no way to get home. I get anxious every year during this week- reliving the fear, remembering the stories and mourning those who were not safe. I was so, so lucky. And yet; changed. Forever. As we all were.

My text to Colby yesterday morning summed up my mental state: “The World Has Got To Get Its Shit Together. Period.”

(I also followed up with a warning that I was on an epic rant in case she planned on calling. Friends don’t let friends call crazy people without a warning).

By the time I got the kids on the bus – that would be 8:02 AM – I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. Literally.

So I did what I have been doing since I was 16 years old. I laced up, and headed out.

No heartrate monitor, because I wanted to run hard and didn’t want the criticism.

No Garmin, because I really didn’t give a crap how far or how fast I ran.

This wasn’t a training run.

This was a survival run.

I ran up to our middle school track and ran as hard as I could for as long as I could. I wanted a track because I wanted to be able to run without having to think about traffic, pedestrians or cyclists – just look ahead and run. I ran like a feral animal. I ran until I felt like I might puke, then noticed that the middle school gym classes were coming out for sports. My son goes to the middle school and I’m pretty sure that having your mom puke in front of the whole 7th grade will kill your rap for well, probably, forever. So I stopped, got a hold of myself, caught my breath and ran home. All so he can have his choice of prom dates someday. I hadn’t completely lost it, after all.

I arrived home a new person. A person who was ready and equipped to deal with the realities of life. Whatever crappy things it might bring.

Since the day I started running for the sake of running, it has empowered me. I can start a run with the weight of the world on my shoulders, but by the end, I know I can handle whatever is thrown my way. Yesterday was no different. I’m mostly all good now.

Running. It’s powerful. It’s inspiring. It boosts me in a way that nothing else can.

And it’s a hell of a lot cheaper than therapy.

Anyone else run for therapy? Having a crappy week? How do you deal with the insanity that is life?

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30 thoughts on “Cheaper Than Therapy

  1. I don’t know you, but I am very proud of you. It sounds like you did exactly what you needed to do at that given moment, took on the challenge, and got a ton of strength and focus from it.

    • Gosh, you made my night. Thank you so much. I think we all can do what we need to do when we listen to ourselves. That’s the hard part. There is so much noise in the world. But when you stop and figure out what you need, and then go do it – you’re on top of the world. I’m so lucky to have running, because that can always be my first line of defense.
      Thank you so very much for stopping by and for your kind words. It meant more than you know.

  2. T…I thought so much of you today….we were so scared…remember mom being mad at you…why didn’t you answer your cell phone? When you reminded her that the cell phone towers were on the twin towers she humbled. Thanks to the partners and cousins who were so focused on making you safe…. There is goodness in the world. So glad you were safe and our dear Matthew was born safe and sound…. We were blessed. I remain so sad for those that suffered tremendous losses. Xo

    Sent from my iPad

  3. I totally run for therapy, and my mood takes a dip if I go too long without running. The past few weeks have been awful. Family issues, house issues, health issues. I’m trying to focus on what’s positive in my life and hoping for the best. Oh, and I’m running more.

    • Sending positive thoughts and energy your way. Sometimes, it all just gets to be too much. Glad you are able to lace up with all that is going on. Here’s to hoping that the weeks ahead are better.

  4. I wish I could! My body is more a pleasure model build! 🙂 I would think it makes you present in the body in a wonderful kind of way. Travel does that for me. Wish I could run as well though. It would be cheaper:-)

  5. Oh My Sweet Friend. Sometimes there is simply not enough track to run around. There aren’t enough roads. There isn’t enough trail. When I think of the times I have literally ran wildly, straight out the door, with a siren in my head blaring, it makes me choked up for two reasons: the magnitude of stress, sadness and anger in my life is threatening to break me and how grateful I am that running is a part of my life. That feeling of not wanting to run, of NEEDING to run NOW has saved me, has saved you, so many times.

    Love you Tina. Xoxo

  6. Catharsis, no matter how you achieve it (yelling, lifting, running, crying, writing) is one of those things thatt is just so necessary for the soul and for happiness. I tend to keep things bottled up, until I”m almost ready to break. Any way you can find to prevent that is a win. I’m so glad that running provides that for you.

  7. Love the way you handle the stress and hope today is better for you! I definitely use running for therapy and have been doing so since losing my mother to cancer just over 10 years ago. And I’ve been using again to cope with the loss of a friend who just loss the battle with breast cancer a couple week’s ago. This week fortunately has been better. I can only imagine what you went through being in NYC on September 11th and being pregnant at that hugs chica … hugs from Florida

    • Good for you for finding such a healthy coping skill. I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother and your friend. Cancer is a beast. My husband is a 25-year cancer survivor and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about cancer – whether it is a scare on his end or yet another lovely person who is diagnosed with that horrible disease. I am happy to hear that this week is better for you and hope next week is even better. In the meantime, keep lacing up. Thanks so much for your support.

    • Yes, the worst is when life gets so difficult that you can’t get out to run and make it easier. I guess I wasn’t the only one who had a craptastic week 😦 – here’s to hoping next week is stellar. Or at least calm.

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