Ultra Freak Out.

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There it is.

That’s the countdown until the VT50. At least it was when I started writing this blogpost. By now it’s whittled away further.

Otherwise known as the Vermont 50.
Otherwise known as Colby’s First 50k.
Otherwise known as What the fuck was I thinking when I signed up for an Ultra Marathon in the Green Mountain State?!?!

I think I just blacked out.

This taper has been faaaar more emotional than any other taper for me. And I’ve done 7 of them. I’m not quite sure why I’ve been on the verge of mental collapse the past week and a half, but there it is. I have been.

I’m a goddamn mess.

Perhaps it’s tapering + life stress? Perhaps it’s because I made the critical mistake of reading some bullshit “You don’t have to be crazy to run an ultra marathon, just prepared!” article which listed Tips To A Successful Ultra when I should have read it 4 months ago? The first tip was: Stay flat. Yeah. I pretty much blew that one right out of the box. Perhaps it’s because I’m a “Roadie” who segued into a “Trail Runner” which is totally unchartered territory for me? Or perhaps it was the teeny tiny voice of a Little One the other day?

Yeah maybe that was it.

So on Sunday, My Other Half, His Two Quarters and I went for a walk with The Beagle. Just the 5 of us. We always take the kids to the beautiful trails near our house, where I have learned to love trail running. There is an estuary there and there are always all sorts of amazing birds fishing for supper. I was feeling blue on Sunday. Life stress. Work stress. 50K Stress. Taper stress. Running stress. Achy body stress. All at once I felt overwhelmed. Really overwhelmed. So there we all are watching this beautiful bird, a green heron, fish away. She was teetering on the edge of a thin branch, patiently waiting, dangling 2 inches from the surface. Still. Calm. So focused. So controlled. So determined. So confident in herself. She was on the precipice of disaster on a very weak branch. But she kept at it. I envied her. And her wings.

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Little One: She must really be hungry. She really wants that fish.
She sure does.
Little One: Have you seen her here?
No Sweetheart. Never.
Little One: {Surprised.} You explore a lot.
I do Sweetheart. A whole bunch.

She pauses. I can see her thinking. Really thinking. A slow smile creeps across her face.

Little One: You are a Runner.

I feel myself well up. And actually choke back tears. Out of the blue. There it was out of the mouths of babes. It was just what I needed to hear myself say. Out loud. Clearly. With conviction.

I am sweetheart. I am a Runner.

Let the countdown roll on.

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37 thoughts on “Ultra Freak Out.

  1. Aw… Y’made me cry. You ARE a kick as** runner, m’dear. You’ve got this race, no matter what that article says. I can’t wait to read about it! (Honestly, my 50K was better than all the marathons I’ve ever done. So much joy and satisfaction at the finish line!) Have fun!

  2. Just think – next time you take that walk, you can smack her and remind her that you’re an ultra-runner!
    (Just kidding – you know I love little Miss Quarter! As does Nicole)
    YOU’RE GOING TO DO GREAT!!!!

  3. Awwww no worries mommie you got this and your kiddo even knows a freakin’ BOSS runner when they see one. I did get a chuckle at your “I blacked out” statement lol 🙂 you are going to do AWESOME!!!

  4. I think it’s understandable that the taper-crazies are a little worse than usual before your first 50k 😉
    But I am so so so excited for you, and can’t wait to read all about it (hopefully) next week. You’ve got this, you’ve put in the hard work, just enjoy the beautiful trail on those runner legs of yours! 🙂

    • Thank you so much for your support Amber! I love this little running community we have going on here! And yes—you will definitely be reading about the Good, Bad and Ugly of the race! I’m slowly starting to settle down.

      You just keep running, right? 🙂

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