Sir Isaac Newton, Laverne and Shirley



“What on earth do they have to do with running,? you may be wondering.

Well, they all were a part of my long run Sunday. A beautiful 20-miler on a gorgeous fall day that I perfectly timed and mapped out to end at my daughter’s softball tournament.

Marred only by my spectacular, agony of defeat-style fall at mile 14. Sir Isaac was right: What goes up, must come down. Or to put it another way: Gravity is a Bitch.

I skidded across a pile of wet leaves to find that a rock was underneath. How did I find out? By faceplanting. Hard. Barely had time to put my hands out. My right shoulder and right knee took the brunt of the fall (was I attempting to Stop, Drop and Roll? Isn’t that for fires?), followed closely by the right side of my face. Ugh.

The fall did have a few casualties: my beloved and now-discontinued Oakleys and my headphones. My stupid $10 water bottle holder, of course, never even left my hand. My Garmin has a tiny scratch but is otherwise fine and I’m not proud to admit that I remembered to stop the timer when I fell so I wouldn’t mess up my pace tracker. Maybe I deserved to fall.

I was lucky, though. Much luckier than Colby in her Spring fall, and I think I even fared better than she did in her VT50 fall. As for my own record, I place this is slightly worse than last year’s wipe-out – I definitely got a little more banged up on Sunday. Are you sensing a pattern here? Suspecting that there is a good reason Colby and I do not perform on the balance beam? More on this later.

Anyway, I took a quick assessment of the bodily damage (starting with my teeth, which were all intact and still in my mouth, thank god) and concluded that all of the cuts that I could see were gross but not dangerous and I didn’t appear to break anything. Phew. I couldn’t see my face, but since I don’t use it for running, I figured I’d deal with it later. I dusted myself off, attempted to restore my dignity and equilibrium, and finished the rest of my run.

It wasn’t until I got to the softball tournament that I realized how banged up my face was. Before I was able to look in a mirror, I looked into the horrified face of my daughter and realized that I might have more than a few facial scratches. I ran up to the fence to wave at her, high on the adrenaline of a 20-mile run, epic fall and more than a few caffeinated sports beans, only to see her recoil in horror. I quickly was informed that I had a shiner, was bleeding from my chin and had road rash on the right side of my cheek.

My poor tween. She was mortified. All the other moms were there on time, appropriately clad in lululemon and sipping chai from recycled paper cups. I know the bubble over her head was asking how she ended up with the fool who came late in sweaty pigtails, off-brand running shorts, bleeding from the face and sporting slightly crazy eyes. She doesn’t yet know that you are always better off with a Quarter Horse in your corner than a Show Pony. But she will, someday. Until then, I feel her pain. I was 11 once, too. I did my best to fade into the background for the rest of the game.

Today was the first time I ran since Sunday and I knocked off 8 miles pretty easily, which was great. I think that confirms that my knee is fine, despite the lack of skin. My shoulder still hurts, but as long as my knee is fine, I am fine. My face will heal (unlike my Oakleys. RIP).

I can’t help but think that Colby and I are the Laverne and Shirley of runners. Ready, Set…Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Or maybe Lucy and Ethel. Why the hell do we keep falling? Does everyone else fall and just not talk about it? Or is this just yet another way in which we are two very special snowflakes? Seriously – what is wrong with us??? Katniss would not be proud and would not want us on her team and this bothers me more than it should.

Please feel free to share your own epic fall stories. Please. Let us know we are not alone.


23 thoughts on “Sir Isaac Newton, Laverne and Shirley

  1. Man Tina!!! Am I going to have to wrap you and Colby up in bubble wrap before you go on runs lol. U hope you get better soon!!! Fortunately I have no fall stories to share

    • People have suggested that we “just sit still for one goddamn minute,” but it ain’t our style. bubble wrap is a good second option. I’m glad you have no falls to share. they really don’t tickle.

      • Tina … Colby … sit still … that’s just freakin’ crazy talk!!! That’s why I suggested the bubble wrap haha lol 🙂 I’ve gotta keep you two chica’s safe when you lose the battle with Mr. Vertical lol

  2. One night during a club run I was guiding a young couple checking out our club. I took a good spill and had a nice cut on my elbow that bled a lot, but for only a while.
    I think I dropped too many F-bombs as they never came back to the club again. ;(

  3. Special Snowflakes for sure. WHAT THE HELL. I will admit I let out a lil’ gasp when I saw your post tumble mug shot. I am not sure what our problem is. But I know we have one.

    This much is true.



  4. I’m really sorry that you fell but I was EXTREMELY entertained by your post! This: “I couldn’t see my face, but since I don’t use it for running, I figured I’d deal with it later” made me chuckle and then your description of your daughter’s reaction to your face (especially in the presence of the Lululemon-wearing moms!) actually made me laugh out loud at my desk in the middle of my office. (People probably think I’m crazy now.) Hope your cuts and scrapes heal quickly!

    • Thanks! I laughed at myself, too. I mean, really. Why can’t we stay on our feet??? My poor daughter. And the Stepford wife reference? No joke. They filmed part of the movie in my town. I think the other softball moms were looking past me to see if I was running from a man with a hook for a hand. Nope! Just a regular Sunday run! On the bright side, no one will probably ever ask me to be Team Snack Mom now! 🙂

  5. OH GEEZ. Falls actually terrify me. I am so glad that you are ok. I had a terrible fall last year .5 mi from the end of my 16 miler that actually had people yell, across 4 lanes of traffic in Chicago, OH MY GOD. I some how had the wherewithall (probably from my years riding) to turn myself in the air and take the fall on sticky outy points of my side. I got a huge hematoma on my hip and got all scratched up. But I finished my run, damn it. I still marvel at how I didn’t break anything.

    • Falls are very scary. I was supposed to do a long run today and the rain is pretty heavy, leaves are everywhere, and I got skeered. Postponed until tomorrow, when it will be colder than {insert comparison of your choice} but dry. I cannot take another fall anytime soon. I think my husband is already considering signing me up for LifeCall.

      PS you finished because you are BadAss. Yes you are.

  6. I’ve had a couple bad falls while running. Once I fell, ripped a hole in my running tights, and skinned my knee pretty badly (bled while running). I still have a scar from that incident which happened 3 years ago. Another time, I doing a trail half marathon. I sprained my wrist and scraped my elbow during my fall. I stumbled to the next aid station (luckily less than a mile away). They patched me up and I continued to run to the finish line. My bf was quite horrified to see me running while all bandaged up. He wondered what was taking me so long.

    • Seriously, loved ones never know what they will find at the finish line, do they? I am impressed that you finished with a sprained wrist! Ouchie ouchie. Knees seem to take a beating in falls – as if we don’t beat them up enough just with the running already!

  7. Holy OW. I’m sorry, girl…about your glasses and your face and everything! I can totally relate to the Garmin thing though. I wiped out BADLY while running my first half marathon distance last year and I think I hit pause on my watch before I even finished giving myself a once-over to make sure I didn’t break anything.

  8. Sorry to hear about your Oakleys but the fall made for a very funny post. I think that true child-parent love is shown from child to parent when they are prepared to be seen with us in public in our running gear 🙂 Hope all the injuries are healing up.

  9. I’ve had a few falls. They usually happen in the winter when I’m dressed in more layers which is good because it lessens the damage to myself. My clothes on the other hand don’t make it out so well. I’ve never had any damage to my face thankfully. My worst would have been on freezing cold winter day when the snow banks were hardened ice and I clipped one. I was able to aim myself away from the cement sidewalk and land on that icy snow. Through the rest of that run I did the exact same thing 2 more times but managed to stay upright. My running buddies just shake their heads at me now. They’ve come to expect it – with injuries at least a couple times a year.
    Heal up quickly!

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