30 Miles and a Turtle


There I was this morning, tuckered from yesterday’s Half Marathon We Should Have Just Left Forgotten, yet determined to get a solid ride in before the rains came. Never fear. The Half Marathon Amnesia recap is coming courtesy of Tina. I’d do it, but I’m still dehydrated and goddamn exhausted from the whole hellish affair. Sit tight, Poodles. Spoiler Alert! It was just as bad as they said it would be. So back to my bike ride… 

I limp out of bed, grab a cup of coffee as big as my head, make myself a bottle of Skratch labs and pad around trying to find all my gear. That’s the thing with bikes. There’s Gear. More REQUIRED gear than running. Let’s be honest. All you NEED to run are kicks, shorts and a sports bra. That’s the bare minimum if you are a chick. Pasties won’t do it for ya. Unless it’s that kind of run. Which I won’t be doing. EVER. Cycling on the other hand requires STUFF. Which I never seem to have all in one place requiring a: Hey Babe! Where’s my {insert expensive cycling item here}? You hear that a lot in this house from both of us. 


Henrietta Pussycat

 I find all my stuff, grab my phone and head out. There was an inaugural Half Marathon going on in a neighboring town for a local BADASS inspiring broad, Elizabeth “Liz” Shuman.  She and her best friend formed, OutRun 38, an organization created to raise funding and awareness for cystic Fibrosis. The OutRunners have become an amazing community of runners, led by their inspiring muse Liz, who is living and RUNNING a with cystic fibrosis. #FUCF! They are two incredible women.  This is the half we WERE going to run but my dear friend Tina persuaded me to run the Nightmare Half instead. A ton of my friends were running and I wanted to ride out along the course and cheer them on. Off I went. Like a bat out of hell.

About 5 miles into my ride, I round a blind corner (because shit like this ALWAYS happens on a blind corner) and I see this beast, on the yellow line.  

Oh Snap!

 He was apparently heading out for his morning stroll and was NONE TOO PLEASED to see a cyclist grab his ass and scoot him on his way. This was of course after the cyclist stopped traffic and swore at some punk driving like a toolbox. YO! SLOW DOWN! I GOT A REALLY OLD TURTLE OVER HERE!!!! I might as well have channeled Carmella Soprano. My tirade was more colorful than that. Trust me. So far this is Turtle Save Number 2. I keep an annual tally. Last year it was double digits between My Other Half and I.  They’re not all angry snapping turtles.  

Jazzy Turtle

 Sometimes they’re beautiful eastern box turtles like this pretty little critter I rescued. Not today.  The pre-historic creature from the La Brea Tar Pits I found today was so not cute. Maybe it was all the hissing?  He had a face only a mother could love. Regardless, he still needed to be saved. They all do. 

Regarding Turtle Rescuing: 

  • Do NOT grab a snapping turtle by its tail. It hurts them. 
  • DO move him in the direction he is going. Or she. They’re walking with purpose. They’ve got places to go. And turtles to meet. 
  • Do NOT think that because he can jam his fat little head in his shell that he can’t snap his pissed off face out and bite you to bits in a nanosecond. Because he can. And will. He has cat-Iike reflexes. And a bad attitude. Don’t let him fool ya. 
  • Do BE CAREFUL. Turtle Rescueing can be dangerous. Especially on blind curves where turtles are wont to be. Becoming roadkill is not on anyone’s bucket list. Proceed with caution. 
  • Do NOT mistake him for a dinosaur. He might look old as dirt, but he’s not extinct. 

Well. At least not on my watch….

Happiness is saving a turtle.


Have you ever saved a turtle? What’s the most exotic roadkill you’ve ever seen while out on the roads? 


41 thoughts on “30 Miles and a Turtle

  1. You are such a friend to our wildlife neighbors! Matt will be very proud when I tell him. We’ve spent the last 2 weeks at our mudroom window monitoring activity around the robins’ nest to make sure no predators know what’s going on.

  2. I just saw a huge turtle on my run 2 days ago and it scared me to death! I know it sounds silly but some of those things are huge and they surprises you on the trails. It was a gopher tortoise and it was so big that a child could have ridden it! I wasn’t about to move it. Though I did involuntarily move myself 5 feet in the other direction when I screamed and jumped.

  3. Last summer, I saved a little turtle baking in the hot sun on a busy bike path in Penticton. He wasn’t happy with me picking him up and he was surprisingly strong, but I got him off the path and into a shady, wet area. It was the first turtle I’ve ever seen in the “wild” (quote marks because a bike path in Penticton doesn’t really qualify as wilderness).

    • That’s awesome!!! We were on a ride once and a little guy was trying to cross a super busy road- not a snapper thankfully. We would up picking him up and riding with him to the pond he was heading to a good half mile away! He chilled in my back pocket! Good work! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • It is Turtleville out our way! Honestly. Biggest one we came across took TWO GROWN MEN to pick up. He was HUGE. Like a toddler could have ridden him. And let me tell you, that turtle was FIERCE. Of course my phone was dead so I missed the best turtle photo op ever. He even had god only knows what GROWING off of his shell. Best one ever.

  4. We found a turtle laying eggs in our backyard last weekend and immediately looked up tips for what we should do… many of them were what you wrote in this post! That, plus don’t mow your lawn near the eggs until October (!!). Sadly some hungry creature found the eggs within 24 hours so we won’t have to worry about our lawn turning into a small grass forest, but it still made us feel bad! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  5. That’s so funny, a friend of mine just posted a picture of him next to the turtle he found on his morning run — the turtle looks exactly the same as your’s!
    Over the winter I saw some awful roadkill — a pregnant mama deer was struck and her twin fetuses were lying next to her. Awful!!!

    • That is funny!!!! And one mean turtle I’m sure. I’m glad he found one! GOOD GRIEF. That might win for worst roadkill. EVER. AWFUL. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Dogs get me more than anything. I have seen porcupine roadkill. And armadillo! #gross

  6. Cool! I’d love to see a turtle in the wild, but it’s too cold up here for turtles (and snakes). Had a porcupine in the yard a few years back (before Kobi thankfully). They move pretty slow so I got close to the little prickly Ewok to get some photos. He or she puffed up his quills pretty fast and set himself up to strike. I squealed and ran away.

    • I’ve only seen porcupine roadkill sadly. I’d be pretty stoked to see one of those little guys on the trails!!! I’ll keep the turtles, the snakes however can beat it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Oh my dear sistah from anotha motha….not only did I narrowly avoid certain death and hurled colorful words from passing motorists on my mission to save everything in my little corner of the world – (YES HONEY PUT IT IN THE DAMN RECYCLE BUCKET BEFORE I PUT IT UP YOUR DUPA!) – I managed to hook a certain reptile with what I can only assume was a hot little turtle ticket. They’re now happily residing in a canal across the street from me in a two-story Tudor with a pool, plenty of fresh, live bait and have since propagated quite efficiently. Darwin’s got nothing on this bitch. ๐Ÿ™‚

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