Running and Suffering. Even My Sweat is Sweating.

messAnother week in the Drunk History Books down, another 6 to go!  Slowly but surely, I am getting through marathon training with the damn Hansons. I say “slowly” because that’s the speed with which all things have been happening lately. The current air quality around these parts is Stifling. It is slowly sucking the air from my lungs, leaving me gasping for breathe. I feel hypoxic. And not in a “I’m training at altitude!” kind of way. We have seen more 90+ degree days with 85%+ humidity around these parts than they do in the goddamn Okefenokee Swamp. I am a hot mess. It’s oppressive. It’s also making me feel like I’m running through a tub of Hellman’s Mayonnaise. {Note: I hate mayonnaise.} And like the other poor fools who thought it was a good idea to run a fall marathon, I am living and running in Suffer Town.

amy schumer

Even though Suffer Town is where it’s at these days, I want to thank every single one of you for all of your kind words. You pulled me right out of that humid, god forsaken sweat lodge. Last Week’s Training (relive the struggle HERE) was a tough one for me. Your votes of confidence were The Everything! When Tina and I started this Little Blog, I don’t think we were prepared for all of the positive, encouraging, wonderful feedback we would receive. Nor had we planned on becoming part of such a supportive community of people. But WE’RE A PART OF ONE! And we couldn’t be happier about it!

Shoutout to the people the compliment each other!
Shoutout to the people who root for one another!
Shoutout to the people who cheer each other on!
That jealousy shit is dead.

Now that I’m all amped up, here’s how Colby’s Week 12 of Training went. Damn. A whole dozen!

Monday: Easy run. 6 miles. After the amount of miles run the previous week, my legs were a little angry. And sleepy. But alas, the show must go on. Secretly, I was counting the MINUTES until rest day.

Tuesday: Intervals. 11 miles. I did them on the Mill of Tread at my gym. It was insanely hot. I was insanely crabby. Which prompted this rant to my sister, Andie.

Morning Rant.

Morning Rant.

That hint of a picture is one of me in a total heap. Last night’s mascara dripping down my sweaty grill, eyes reminiscent of a blood hound’s, I ran those stinking intervals. #beautiful

Wednesday: FUCKINGRESTDAY. It’s becoming a National Holiday around here. To celebrate, I ate pizza. And more pizza. And celebrated all of my laziness. With pizza. Have I mentioned how starving I am lately?

cat pizzaThursday: Here’s where Mother Nature deserved a shot to the kidney. I was supposed to run a 12 mile tempo run. But when you wake up and it’s already 85 degrees at 6am, you quickly change your plans, pack your gym bag, and pray for a cold front. You also rearrange your runs, with safety in mind. Easy run, 8 miles. On the effen treadmill. Again. mike on the treadmill

Friday: Tempo Run. Take Two. 12 miles. Temperature: Hot as Hell.  I was able to nail 8 out of 9 miles at my target pace. YES! The last was 20 seconds slower. Whatevs. I’ll take it! I stressed about this damn run all week. I was thrilled I made it through. It was My Big Achievement. And it wasn’t even perfect. It was perfect for me. On that day. On those tired legs. *toothy smile*

Saturday: Easy run. 10 miles. It was hot. But I felt good. How? I have no idea.

Sunday: Easy run. 8 miles with My Other Half and DRUNK OTIS!!! It was supposed to be 10, but I flip flopped my runs because 8 was enough for Mr. Dog. It was GLORIOUS out. And Otis expressed a keen interest in accompanying me. {Read: He ran after us, smiling.} So off we all went. One happy, running, slobbery family.

Hey, Lady. When we goin’ running?

Total Number of Miles Run: 55

Number of Times I Balled Up My Sweaty Fist and Cursed the Heavens: 6

Number of Times Drunk Otis Stopped to Jump in a Lake and Get His Swim On During Our Run: 2

Are you STILL suffering in the heat and humidity? Does the thought of Pumpkin Spice ANYTHING make you want to scream right now? Are you dying for fall?


47 thoughts on “Running and Suffering. Even My Sweat is Sweating.

  1. Whereever you are, it sounds like the weather gods got it all wrong. They were supposed to give you our Florida winters, not the summers. Geez. And I thought we had it the worst, but it really sounds like south Florida right now.
    All I can say is, I’m glad I’m only doing half your mileage. Way to do those intervals and tempo runs! You’re going to CRUSH your marathon, and if not, I’m liking your backup plan including the lobster rolls ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Freakin’ awesome week. Seriously the miles you are putting in with such crazy weather are inspiring. This weird late heat needs to go away, there are so many 100+ days I can handle. And the news just predicted 108 tomorrow. Wah. Can I borrow some of your kick ass dedication? ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Shut. Up. 108?!?!?!?! Sweet Balls of Fire! Come on over! It’s pouring rain at the moment. And the rumor is that this Suffer Fest will break. Dedication is really more code for INSANITY. Hang in there Fallon! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Pippa I’m telling you. My mouth is complete GUTTER SPEAK since embarking on this madness. It’s awful. I need to clean it up. I should have cannonballed in after Drunk Otis! He’s such a good boy. ๐Ÿ™‚ Kisses to Shadow!

  3. So these are my takeaways…you would for sure end up in a jello-like substance, quivering in the corner of some random hood alley if you lived in south FLA, I’d be sorely disappointed if said pizza was not shared with the Chocolate Master of Drooly Delight, and damn if he really doesn’t look like he’s has a few too many bowls of Senor Patron. Oh, and you’re pretty effing awesome. Yep, pretty much covers it.

  4. First of all, there are no hills in South Florida or in any of all Florida so there is that. Secondly, maybe, just maybe, mayo is the key to overcoming heat related stress. Keep up the good work. I’ll keep up the marginal training on my part – this is my rest week during marathon training season.

    • I hope so! There’s rumor of a break in the heat wave here. I hope they’re not fibbing. Like. Really hope. Drunk Otis is such a silly fool. I am waiting for him to just start talking. He ALWAYS tilts when you talk to him. Christ. He’d probably slur his words. ๐Ÿ™‚ Kisses to Piper!!!

  5. Dude. I feel you. Like I really, really feel you. I feel you so much that I was sitting here balling up my soon to be sweaty fists and cursing the high heavens for you. Okay but for real, I have been dwelling in an inferno since May. It was okay until last week, when I was back to teaching and had to do the afternoon runs and cried every single time. I used the treadmill TWICE – I LOATHE THE MILL OF DREAD so you know it was bad. I did my tempo last week and my intervals this week on it. Oh and want to hear the best part? The heat broke today – we have 70s and I have to run 15. Except when I can run at 3pm? Torrential downpours and major flooding. Guess what. I’m running in it anyway. Fuck it all.

    My point is…I feel you and I am so sorry you are suffering too!

    • *raises fist in solidarity*
      At least we’re in it together. I just ran my total of 11 mile tempo run on the goddamn Death Mill this morning. Why? Because it was thunder and lightning as I laced up my kicks. I’m a chicken. I won’t run in lightning. Hard stop. This is my SECOND tread mill nonsense this week TOO!!!

      I can’t.

      You’re amazing. EAT THAT 15!!! I’ll be waiting in the foyer, with a big towel, a high five and a beer. Good Luck, Sister! I’m rooting for you!!!!

  6. Great job this week! The heat and humidity are KILLING me, but even so, I’m not quite ready for fall. I missed out on a lot of summer because of rehearsals, so I’m trying to squeeze a bit in. That said, running will definitely be more comfortable once the temps drop.

  7. Colbs, I am dying. It’s so GD awe-full. I put up with this GD heat and humidity and dew point all flippin summer, but now I’m starting to crack. Twice in the past week I was so frustrated that I literally started crying in the middle of my run – until friends talked me out of it. I was so close to just giving up, plopping on the ground and bawling. It’s like a mean reoccuring joke. EveryGDday. It’s so nasty out. The air is like I’m breathing Duke’s mayonnaise. I’m running anywhere from 30secs – 2mins slower per mile. I sweat so much that I have to change shoes/socks mid run. Then the cramps come, and the delusions, and the bad thoughts. They keep promising a cold front is coming – they’ve been promising this for a WEEK! Agggh, sorry to go off here, Colbs. So to answer your question, yes, I am dying for fall.

    • Oh, Poodle. All I can think about when I’m on the precipice of bursting into tears is YOU and HELLY. How the EFF do you do it? I give you both so much credit. Really. You are earning that goddamn Chicago medal. Shit. They need to give the both of you GIANT SILVER PLATTERS. Like a Wimbledon. I hear you on the pace situation. My “easy” runs are still within my prescribed easy pace, but dude they’re anywhere from 30seconds to 2 minutes off my goal pace as well. I’m starting to get nervous. I’ve got no biz complaining. You really are in the 7th layer of Hell. And it’s called Texas. Hang in there Scott.

      I’m proud of you. xo

  8. I love Drunk Otis stories. You need to include more of them.

    EEK! What is it with the lingering humidity??? I can’t wait for cooler weather (sans rain). It’s raining right now, but still so humid that it doesn’t feel pleasant.

    You got this, Colby!

  9. Amen, sister. I hate it. I’ve moved past the anger phase and now am in the sadness phase. WHYYYYY, WHYYYYY WON’T YOU JUST COOL THE FUCK OFF, WEATHER?!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!! Yeah, that’s me, too. Still. And there’s ALWAYS something about Thursday track workouts that makes zero wind and 80+ temps with 99% humidity. I was leaving tracks at mile 8 today BECAUSE MY SHOES WERE SOAKED THROUGH. And it was “only” 8 miles. End rant. Until I run again on Saturday. Best to you. Remember, DIVIDENDS. Big ones. DD ones.

    • DIVIDENDS. You know, I muttered that to myself several times last week. And you’re right. It’s just making me sad. Rant any time, Sister!!!! The sweating is off the CHAIN. I find cuts where I never thought I’d find them. Glide only lasts so long. Anything after 7 miles is a crap shoot.


  10. The treadmill has been trying to lure me for the last few weeks, but so far I was able to resist. Altho Tuesday was where I had reached my limit. And then Mother Nature blew some cooler weather at me and today I killed my speedwork. Call 911, killed it kind of paces. Ok then. There’s a reward for running in those conditions…

  11. Sounds like you had a good week of running, despite the weather, that’s some good mileage! Hot weather+running is a whole other beast, but tempo running in heat… just cruel ๐Ÿ˜› Fair play to you. Have to confess I’m a sucker for all things pumpkin spiced & Autumn-esque!

    • Thank you! I survived! And you’re right. The tempo runs are AWFUL in this weather. They’re killing me. I am a fan of some things pumpkin. I just can’t imagine eating it when it’s 1,005 degrees! ๐Ÿ™‚

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