Running, Blowing Kisses and Finding a Unicorn

Week 14 of Marathon Training had me like….Shy Ronnie


ONE MONTH TO GO, POODLES! I can’t even deal. I will also add, that if the remaining month of training continues to be as Hot as Balls, I will completely throw myself on the floor, over dose on lobster rolls and delicious IPAs, and PACK THE SHIT IN. Go home Mother Nature. You’re a meth head.

After realizing last week that my taper consists of 55 miles the week before the marathon, then one week of light running the week of the marathon, I have been in a state of perpetual nausea. Total bundle of nerves. It’s really almost here! All this work and it’s really winding down. Of course I still have insane miles to run, but I’m chipping away at this beast. I can’t believe it. My runway has shortened. I am almost there.  In my head and heart, I honestly believe that I’ve already won. #truthshe who dares wins

As for the Taper, I have to come to terms with it. I have accepted it. The anger and depression stages are over and I’ve moved towards acceptance. Like a Big Girl Runner. I also re-read the chapter in Hansons Marathon Method that explains all this Taper Business. I see the method to their madness. Keep your foot on the gas. Ease off a bit. Don’t turn the car off. Instead, idle. Then get ready to BLAST OFF.  Of course, I’m paraphrasing.  I trust them.  I have warmly embraced advice from fellow Hansons Maniacs, who have ensured me that the “Taper” will truly feel as such. And when I awake on Marathon Morning, my legs with sprout glittery wings and lead me to a BQ. I will then be known as Colbysus, Queen of the BQ.

Ok. Maybe they didn’t say exactly that.

But in my head it’s exactly what I goddamn heard.

Here’s how Week 14 of Marathon Training went down!

Monday: Easy run. 6 miles. And that’s exactly what it was. No muss. No fuss. Just a nice, hot, humid, 6 stinking miles on tired legs. At this point I was counting the seconds until my rest day. Wednesday? Where are you???

Tuesday: Strength Intervals. 2 x 3 mile with 1 mile recovery. Nailed the pace. YES! With warm up and cool down, we’re looking at 11 miles total. Before work. My quads raised the white flag and threw out a string of expletives at the end of this workout. Then they realized they were off until Thursday and promptly poured themselves a Bloody Mary, high fived each other and then did the Running Man. Just ‘cuz. Quads…They’re Crazy!

Wednesday: RESTFUCKINGDAY. I blew dried my hair, debuted a cute pair of flats, threw on some lip gloss and had a run-less day. I smiled. A lot. And may have even blown a kiss to the Coffee Guy after he handed me my brew. It was glorious.

Thursday: Tempo Run. 12 miles total. It was hot, but not humid. Each goddamn week, I dread this run. To me, it is a barometer for how I am training. Can I keep the pace for 9 miles? Will I be able to actually keep my intended pace on Marathon Day? I was a nervous wreck. I’m not kidding. I put so much pressure on myself. Honestly. Who does that? It’s just a goddamn run, Colby. Chill, Bitch. Chill. Here’s what happened: I ran. Fast. For all the miles. I nailed that pace. To the second. It was One of Those Runs. You know, The Unicorn of Runs. The one that makes you remember why you love running so much. Your breath. Your legs. All in concert. A symphony of perfection. I was overwhelmed. Tears. And then this reward…

My Reward.

My Reward.

Friday: Easy 6 miles. Legs were like string fries, but all good. NBD.

Saturday: 10 miles, a parade and a fair! I may have run along the parade route. I also may have waved and blown kisses at the crowd whilst doing so. That’s twice this week! #truestory

Flying Wallendas

Flying Wallendas!

Sunday: How far? You’ve guessed it! Another 10 effen miles. Only this time is was cool out.  Seasonal even. Like fall. Finally. 🙂

Total Number of Miles Run: 55

Total Number of Kisses Blown: 25

Number of Times I Spontaneously Burst Into Tears of Joy: 1

Now that's my kind of cannoli! #ItalianRunnerGirl

Now that’s my kind of cannoli! #ItalianRunnerGirl


56 thoughts on “Running, Blowing Kisses and Finding a Unicorn

  1. Yeahhhhhhh home STRETCH now!!! Well, could be a really long stretch if it doesn’t cool off for you. I am sorry to inform you that I have left the ranks of those sweating their asses off and joined those embracing all things fall and pumpkin. I truly hope that you can say the same thing very, very soon. And dude. Enjoy the taper. Less miles (although, 55 is a lot of fucking miles, my taper is similar so I feel you there) is less time spent in the inferno otherwise known as the great outdoors. You are killing those tempos, sister. I need more of those in my life. I also need to order the Hansons book ASAP. I’m sold. I like your training.

  2. Woohoo on that awesome tempo run! That’s the kind of positive reinforcement you need before the race. Or, just review your blog with all of the butt-kicking you’ve been doing 🙂

  3. Holy Crap, I’m tired. (From reading this. Not from anything I’ve done.) I’m also incredibly impressed and proud. I cannot wait for our post-race celebration at Wahlburgers and I’m making you wear that damn medal everywhere. You have, indeed, already won.
    Then we will proceed to the couch, where we shall stay until Christmas. xo

  4. Ummmm, question? As I think we’ve determined these are not the Hansons of either MMMBop fame or of the cross-checking camp, I would seriously question as to whether or not aforementioned training sadists have….wait for it……ACTUALLY RUN THEIR OWN DAMN PROGRAM. Because I strongly sense marathon training plan SHENANIGANS are afoot.

  5. I think I need to try this whole marathon business out. Everyone I know seems to be wanting to run one or Artie has run one. I feel like I’m left out. I do know taper. Just not probably as an extreme runners like you and the other marathoners. Congrats on making it this far!!!

  6. Wouldn’t it be great to have a show called the Honest Weather Forecast: “Hot as Balls”, “Cold as Fuck” “Mother Nature What the Fuck Is Going On” ?? You should totally trademark that idea! Good luck with the last few weeks of training! But more importantly how is Drunk Otis?? x

    • I totally think we are on to something Pippa! We can host it together. Your accent will SLAY! Drunk Otis is on the verge of obtaining his own Instagram! He’s such a love! He’s totally looking forward to hiking this weekend! And Shadow? On the mend? WAIT. YOU? On the mend? xo

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