A Busted Can of Biscuits

Anyone else feel like a hung over, busted can of biscuits?


*raises hand*

Sweet Jesus.

I can recover from marathons better than a long weekend of drinking and stinking. Maybe InsideTracker’s Inner Age was right. Maybe I am a broken down old broad.  If you missed my last InsideTracker post, relive the glory (and PROGRESS!)  HERE. And if you’re up for some Cyber Monday deals, there’s a code good for some deep discounts on InsideTracker packages. Invest in YOU this Cyber Monday. And not on shit that you don’t really need and will use for 2 weeks tops, before it winds up at the bottom of your cupboard, quietly weeping. Don’t make a cheap quesadilla maker sad! Invest in YOU, Poodles!

I had a fantastic long weekend. Some would argue a lil’ too fantastic. I’m looking at you, Liver. It was filled with people I adore and plenty of holiday cheer. And by holiday, I mean the Thanksgiving Holiday. Not the Christmas one. It is still November. Even though it’s hanging on by a teeny tiny thread. Last night as I plopped my tired, bloated, hung over ass on my couch and scrolled through the Internets, all I saw was FULL ON CHRISTMAS. Lights! Trees! Santa! Gingerbread houses! Elaborate Christmas Extravaganzas! Kids in Christmas Jammies!

And here I was covered in dog hair in yoga pants.

Was it always like this?

I feel like I’m way behind the Christmas Eight Ball and the goddamn turkey isn’t even cold yet. I almost felt panicked. I started walking around the house searching for giant green and red Tupperware bins marked “Xmas Decorations!” Yes. With an exclamation point. Where are my freaking ornaments?! Stockings?!?! Do we need new ones?!?!? WHERE ARE THE FLICKERY CANDLES FOR THE WINDOWS?!?!? GET ME THE NUTCRACKERS! I NEED THEM NOW!  I was nearly frenzied for one hot second. I even went so far as to find a lint brush and throw on some Uggs and a puffer vest. I came this close to heading out the door to chop down my tree, take a selfie in front of it, then have Drunk Otis drag it back home for me. Imagine a puffy faced me, a tree, and a maniac chocolate lab wearing a goPro. Eat your heart out Currier and Ives. It’s not even that people have begun to decorate for Christmas- THEY’RE FINISHED. I’m talking wrapped presents under the tree and shit. I haven’t even wrapped up my Thanksgiving hangover.

What’s left?

What I hope is left is to actually ENJOY the spirit of the season. To do something meaningful with someone you adore. To donate your time to a cause dear to you. To spend time with people who add value to your life. And to tell them they do so.

To laugh. To listen. To savor.

To raise a glass to health, love and happiness.


Then I came to my senses, put my keys down, pushed Drunk Otis out of the way, hopped back in my cozy chair and poured myself a glass of wine.

With a reindeer on the glass.

That’s gotta count. 🙂

Do your social media feeds stress you out this time of year? Are you done with Christmas already? What’s your favorite thing to do during the Holiday Season?


28 thoughts on “A Busted Can of Biscuits

  1. I am dying over here!!

    Girl please! I decorate the week of xmas-if I am feeling ambitious (which I am not right now) I might decorate the week before!! I admire those who have their decorations up-yeah them. Doesn’t stress me out at all!!

    Holiday shopping-yup the week of as well!!

    in the meantime, I will join you on the couch…what kind of wine are you drinking?

    Enjoy the season!

  2. As long as there is wine, the holidays will be fine is my motto. But I replace the wine with bourbon. I keep the volume the same, though. Decor wise, I am a minimalist. Aka lazy. We have a baby tree that we put up with some ornaments, but for me, the best decor is the stuff that we leave up all winter–these silver trees that are just gorgeous that Alex’s aunt gave us. In a teeny tiny apartment, there is just no room and right now I still can’t lift things!

    • We are re-thinking Christmas décor now that Drunk Otis in on the scene. He will demolish any and all glass ornaments I have and probably eat our stockings. Then belch. And I love your motto!!! Bourbon and all!! xoxo

  3. Yesterday I managed to put up the wreaths on my kitchen chandeliers before calling it quits. I was too lazy to even pour a glass of wine!!!
    Got more done today, will put up tree over the weekend, at which point whatever is done is all that is going to be done. I love decorating for the holidays – especially pulling out “old favorites” that we only get to see once a year, but doing it under pressure is the WORST and takes all of the fun out of it.
    I have realized that social media stresses me out and I am taking a step back. It is such a time waster and I really am happier when I spend time doing other things. I don’t want to spend my time scrolling. Or reading people’s complaints. Or their political views. Or seeing where they put their goddamn elves on the shelves. You know how much that drives me crazy. Honestly – you and I are stuck with Drunk Otis and Li’L Gronk, respectively. We have no choice but to deal with minions who bomb around the house breaking shit and getting into things all year long. Why people buy a fake elf and proceed to do that and post photos of the wreckage is beyond me. The only elf I want to see drinking out of my wine bottle is you. I’ll even buy you a hat. Or Li’l Gronk can lend you his. 🙂 (of course he has one. Did you ever doubt?)

    • Never. I’m coming over. We can drink wine and let Drunk Otis and His Spirit Animal bust shit. I despise that Elf. And pictures of where that little bastard is. He freaks me out. We have Zero Elves. Unless you count Evil Beagle. She’s one. We will probably decide on where/if we will put/stuff our tree. Drunk Otis is putting a damper on things. That dog lives at 11. Just like us. I’m with you with social media. I’d rather spend time DOING than SCROLLING.

      With you, T-Bone of course. 🙂

  4. We actually go away for Christmas and use that as an excuse to not decorate. I would love to, but honestly during this time of year, I have too much work to slog through to worry about hanging wreaths.

  5. Lol. And they you open your emails and you’ve been psybor-spammed with Black Friday mail up the ying yang. Yeah. I’m with you. Everyone needs to take a deep breath 🙂 and eat another biscuit.

  6. Hmmm… Favorite things to do during the Christmas season? Ride, hunt, work (to catch up from spending half of my summer on the bikes), eat, play Euchre with my in-laws and hang out with my wife and kids. Not necessarily in that order.

  7. While I admit that all the decorations are up at my house, I haven’t even started Christmas shopping and have no idea what to even start with. But I also don’t decorate the outside of the house- how do people have the energy to do that?! And luckily the tree is fake because I tend to forget to water them. Oh wait, I just realized I do all of the decorating at work and I go over the top. I am one of those crazy Christmas people. Sorry!

    • No apologies Fallon! Crazy Christmas people are beacons of holiday cheer! I am a slacker in that regard. It does seem like everything is being so rushed lately, that we’re on to the next before we’ve even gotten to the first. That’s what really bums me out. It’s officially December. So I’ll get to tree trimming. Soon. Ok maybe next week……;-)

  8. I LOVED this post. You captured the mad mayhem of December perfectly!

    Every year I drive myself insane trying to create the perfect Norman Rockwell Christmas and instead I get this frenzied chaos called my life instead … always thinking that only if I tried a little harder, started a little earlier … like September.

    I’m tempted to put a little something in my morning coffee and mellow out instead … because Colby said I could 😉

    Suddenly I don’t feel so badly that all the Christmas decorations are still downstairs in the basement. Waiting.

  9. I’m with you – the radio starts playing Christmas music early November and I’m a total grinch and turn it off. However, after the turkey is put away (both in fridge and tummy), I finally start to get in the mood. However, I am only 5% prepared for holiday shopping, so that’s my goal for the week. To come up with a plan. No, not shop yet. Too soon 🙂

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