Dr. Everything’ll Be Alright

Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called…

Running.

.prince gif.gif

What. Too soon?

Oh, Prince. Such very sad news. Heart breaking. The guy was a genius. And Purple Rain was the first R-rated movie I ever saw. I thought I was soooooo cool afterwards. I even tried to make Apollonia my middle name but my Mom wasn’t having it.  I have been listening to and singing Prince all week. It’s on repeat in my head and on shuffle on my iPhone. “Let’s Go Crazy” has been officially added to my “Run Fast Colby!” playlist. Unfortunately, Colby Running Fast has not been on repeat. It’s been on skip.

I actually contemplated hanging up my Hoka’s this week. I’m not even fooling. Hang ’em up and put on my new cycling kicks and ride off into the sunset. Screw it. I’m gonna ride bikes instead. I’m done. I had- hands down– THE worst series of runs I have ever had. EVER. Worse than when I started running which was pretty much the day after I saw Purple Rain which was about 100 years ago. My agony started last Sunday.

Don’t let the smile fool you. I was happy to have made it to my driveway. Dumbest run ever. 10 miles. Hilliest route on earth. Dehydrated. Mildly hung over. And one bitchy hamstring did not make for an epic run. It made for a sufferfest. I decided on this route as a sort of litmus test. A Where Am I Starting?  The answer is right at the goddamn bottom. I couldn’t get out of my own way. I shuffled my pathetic ass up a series of 4 hills, one longer and more annoying than the next. When did this route get so hard? Am I this out of shape? I didn’t think I was. But now? Gah. I’m a hot mess.

So like any runner, I ran the next day. And the next. Both of which were no better than Sunday’s Suck Fest. The next I rode my bike. And had a big old talk with myself. It went like this:

Self,

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

XOXO,
Colby

I wish I was paraphrasing. I need to clean up the edges. I need to get serious. I need to see where I’m really starting because I feel like a broken down Yugo. My InsideTracker profile needs a definite update. Hello, Retest! I need to focus on something other than my former job. Like my new one! That tired old stress needs to leave the building, specifically my legs so I can move them with purpose again. My former situation was crippling in more ways than one. Onward and upward! A bike ride always puts things into perspective for me. Sometimes in a way that running doesn’t. Besides, all Running told me was to stop. Who wants to hear that shit when you’re trying to chug a big old pint of Motivation?

So I ignored what Running was telling me. And continued on the rest of the week. After a few moderately better #runventures (and one ill advised mountain bike ride with My Other Half, Drunk Otis, a bloody Achilles and a goddamn massive contusion on my hip), I began to fall into a rhythm. There you are Running! My Old Familiar Rhythm. And here I thought I’d lost you. I decided Saturday night, after icing my hip and cleaning my wounds, that I would re-run The Dreaded 4 Hilled Route. I woke up like it was race day. Hydrated. Well rested. Nary a hang over in sight. And this time?

wonder woman running.gif

Me, Sunday.

Are we gonna let the elevator

Bring us down

Oh, no let’s go!

All I needed was an invisible jet and a goddamn lasso. πŸ™‚

Have you ever seriously contemplated hanging up your running kicks? What’s the longest stretch of horrible runs you’ve ever had? What was the first R-rated movie you ever saw?

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24 thoughts on “Dr. Everything’ll Be Alright

  1. a big HAHA to the prince reference at the beginning, that made me giggle πŸ™‚

    I feel your pain with a horrible run series. Last year there was a stretch of 4 weeks where I just was not feeling running anymore. The most important thing to remember is it’s only temporary and things will get better. Even if I was to have stopped running, I know I would come back to it, because running is my life long partner!

    • I’m with you! Running and I have been in a relationship for ages! And even though we rarely break up for long periods of time – It’s me, not you. – we always get back together! ❀️

  2. I think about quitting ALL THE TIME but then I remember how cranky I get when I don’t run. Crossing the finish line of my first marathon I was like ‘nope, never again, not one more step’ but obviously that didn’t last!

  3. I think the first R rated movie I saw in the theater was “Class” (Rob Lowe?). We snuck in, of course. But I think I saw Flashdance on our Betamax at home before that and I’m pretty sure that was rated R. Oh, wait, wasn’t “Fame” rated R? I saw that on HBO a sleepover at a friends house in 5th or 6th grade (don’t tell Lily), so that might win. God, I am old.
    I don’t know my longest stretch of bad runs, but I’ve certainly had ’em. Probably last summer. Stinks. I have never thought of hanging up my running shoes because I don’t really like to do anything else and God knows I have to fill my time somehow. I definitely have thought about quitting racing, plenty, but never running. Good for you for getting back on the killer route and CRUSHING it.
    As I knew you would.
    xxxoooT

    • Oh, and man, was Prince a Genius. A true musician. Such talent, and such a loss. 2016 has not been kind to some of the Greats.
      “Let’s Go Crazy” has been on my running “playlist” since I was running with mix tapes. It’s prefect. I love “I would Die 4 You,” “Delirious” and “I Wanna Be Your Lover” for running as well.
      Oh, Prince. 😦

    • YOU HAD A BETAMAX?!?! So goddamn cutting edge! Go Mike n’ Lil!!! Funny. I’ve thought about quitting racing lots. Remember that year we did about a million of them? Totally binged. I can’t imagine it this year.

      Are we running Fairfield? I think I know the answer. πŸ˜‚

  4. I’ve considered hanging up my running shoes, but less because of bad runs and more due to the fact that I break. Sounds like you need a break, or you need to break it down. Into smaller runs.

    • I’ve actually been doing that- breaking into smaller runs. The 10 miler from Hell was my longest one recently. I’m feeling better. As is my annoying hamstring. Thanks, Broken Coach Suze!!! ❀️

  5. I’m on a current break from running right now! I do this all the time. If I’m not signed up for a race, I don’t run very much. Time to sign up for something!!

  6. My longest string of horrible runs is every summer. Starting in July, when the morning low temps creep up into the 80’s, I want to curl up into a little ball and cry. This lasts until October. Texas summers suck for runners.

    • Angela, I have no idea how you do it in Texas. I would melt. It was high sixties last week and I was a mess. Hot weather runner I am not. I always seem to get used to it just before fall hits. By then it’s 30. ☹️

      • We do it only because we have no choice. It is pure hell. We run at ungodly early hours of the morning and become vampire runners. And bitch and complain. A lot.

  7. Last year I did a Ragnar trail race and it almost destroyed me. I severely underestimated the course and did not hill (mountain!) train enough. The result was me huffing and barely walking up terrain that was clearly only meant to be skiied down. I felt like a 300 lb chain smoker trying to heave my way up the trail. I couldn’t figure out when I had become so horribly out of shape. Every one on my team found God on the trails in those mother loving moutains, it was no joke. I came back traumatized and wasn’t sure if I was still a runner or even wanted to be one. My best running buddy heard me say this and gasped. She was lucky enough to have a conflict that prevented her from running that trails race (evidence that God works in mysterious ways, lucky son of a gun). She basically got me back on the running horse. Had she not, well, I’d probably be eating donuts, smoking and becoming the hefty person I felt like trying to climb that trail.

  8. I read this post yesterday when I was on the toilet at work but didn’t get a chance to reply. Don’t you dare hang up your Hokas. That is Blasphemy, and I am going to tell Keith, Kevin and Luke if you even think of doing that again.

    But for realz. Your post described weeks 1-5 on Hansons for me. You’d think I never ran a mile a day in my life, let alone a friggin marathon. DON’T YOU DARE QUIT.

    I believe in you. Now go read your Hansons bible and get pumped.

    • Don’t tell Keith, Kevin and Luke!!! They’ll make me run longer tempo runs! It was a moment of insanity. I do believe it’s passed. I ran intervals yesterday and am getting back in the swing of things. Baby steps…, 😊

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