Today’s Lesson: You gotta run fast, to get fast.

If this were a year ago and I called and told you I was done with a lactate threshold track workout totaling 9 miles on a HUMID AF summer day by 8AM you would have thought I was clearly pullin’ your leg. Like, hard. Up and out the door by Ass Crack O’Clock with coffee no less? To THE TRACK?  No way. No how. No never.

Oh, but wait….

omg

I JUST FREAKING DID!

I swear to you. I don’t even know who I am anymore. All of this shape shifting started about a month ago when I hired a Coach and got back to blogging. Since then, I have been diligently logging my prescribed miles, interacting with my Coach and sweating my face off. Humid summer runner I am not. But I need to be. STAT. Today was Track Tuesday. It’s been mega humid here in New England. Saturday’s long run was the worst 15 miles I have run in a decade. I’m not even exaggerating. Slowest run in 10 years. I can’t even believe how bad it was. “Long and Hilly, Colby!” did not bode well for me with 90% humidity and 83 degrees. That was at 6:30am. So much for early. I died a thousand deaths. And promptly sweated out every ounce of confidence I had in me. I hate when that happens. As I was reminded today, confidence and positivity training is just as important as physical training.

Track Tuesday

My Local Track, aka The Surface of the Sun.

After Saturday’s cluster fuck unfortunate run, I began self-sabotaging. You know, looking ahead to my workouts and straight up panicking at the paces and distances whilst weather stalking? THAT’S NOT PRODUCTIVE, COLBY. Not even a bit. So today rolled around and I told myself that I was not going to let a little humidity thwart me. So what I’m suffocating? I CAN run fast. And I WILL run fast. Dammit.

Today was a lactate threshold run which simplistically speaking means you hold a faster pace for a longer time, multiple times with a short recovery, then repeat it. I mean, that’s why we train for a marathon in the first place – run faster, longer. Once you’ve built your running base, lactate threshold training is the key to getting faster – at least according to Running Yoda’s Everywhere. Pushing yourself and maintaining a semi-uncomfortable pace with a short recovery then doing it all again. In my case, I ran 8 x 1k’s with a 90 second recovery. When your body produces more lactate then it can utilize and you’ve created more waste products than you are able to clear –  BINGO! – you’ve hit your lactate threshold. It’s a tipping point. Going beyond your lactate threshold makes your legs super tired, super fast. The goal here is to train them not to, to put it off as long as possible. Toe that line. Improve your lactate threshold and improve your tipping point.  So off I went, totally effen intimidated.

Stay in the Fight!

Here’s what I learned this hot, humid Track Tuesday. And, Dear Reader, I feel compelled to share these pearls of wisdom with YOU! #LuckyDuck

  • You can convince yourself that you are NOT imploding from the heat by visualizing yourself making snow angels in the buff instead of running circles on the surface of the sun. Just stop obsessing about it. It’s hot. Get over it. You can do this without melting. I promise.
  • Running fast is hard. It’s supposed to hurt. You’re supposed to want to give up. BUT DON’T. Stay in the fight! I yelled that out loud multiple times. Like a maniac.
  • Don’t be intimidated. It’s circles on a track. Figure out how to program a workout on your Garmin, and GO. Make it mindless. Stop thinking so much. Don’t be scared. Just run. For f*ck’s sake Colby, JUST RUN.

And the most important thing I learned today?

  • I am faster than I think. I need to tell myself that every day. And I’d better start goddamn believing it.

Xoxo,

Colby

Do you self-sabotage? Are you a hazy hot running rock star? Do you yell at yourself out loud while running?  Do you get intimidated by track workouts? 

 

 

When is it time to hire a coach? Answer: NOW!

So I did a thing a few weeks ago. I hired a coach. WHHHAAATTT??? I know.  I don’t even know who I am anymore. What prompted this very Adult-Runner decision was running yet another marathon –  and missing my mark. I ran Sugarloaf Marathon in Maine several weeks ago and while I didn’t have a horrible race, I did fall short of my goal. As per recent years, I trained using my beloved Hanson’s Marathon Method which kicks your ass, then hands it to you in a fatigued, sweaty heap.  You’re exhausted, but you are ready. Hanson’s is tough. As I know from experience, it’s quasi-unorthodox method works for me. At least it had until it didn’t. My training block went well this time around with Hanson’s.  I believe I only missed 2 runs due to minor injury,  but after reflecting on Sugarloaf, I felt like my training was missing something.  I ran the miles. I hit the paces. I checked off the boxes as I had in the past. I even had some really excellent tempo runs. But, it seemed like something was off. Did I have Hanson’s Fatigue? Was my body getting too used to this type of training?  Did I need something different to mix it up? My running needed SOMETHING more. *cue hiring Coach*

There are a million reasons why you fall short of reaching your goal. Physical, psychological, mother nature, the course, your stomach, your ankle, the stars not aligning properly, not wearing you’re lucky ponytail holder…..the list goes on, real or perceived. No matter how many marathons you’ve run, there is ALWAYS room for improvement. For me, after many cycles with Hanson’s, religiously following their sadistic program,  I felt like it was time for a change. Don’t get me wrong, Hanson’s got me all the way to Boston. It works, but now I feel like I’ve plateaued. It’s not you Hanson’s, it’s me.

its not you its me

Here’s the short list of why I hired a coach. Again, in the interest of full disclosure. I’m not some super-certified running guru. I’m just a girl with a blog who loves lobster rolls, IPAs and running. (A lot.) I’m also a girl who has goals. It’s been almost 2 weeks with my new coach and here’s why I’m loving my decision already.

  • Accountability. I never really had a tough time being held accountable. I documented my running exploits often on this little blog.  I put it out there. But something about having a Running Table for Two makes the accountability even more real. It’s keeping me honest and completely on-task. My Garmin uploads directly to the training app we use the moment I hit save. I can count on feedback within the hour. It’s magical.
  • Interaction. This is key. Having someone to really talk to about your runs, how you’re feeling and where you’re at is something I am finding invaluable. For instance, I had a horrible cold last week. Previously I would have just plowed on through. It’s on the schedule, therefore I must run in spite of this hacking cough! Let’s be honest, we runners are terrible patients. With my coach, he adjusted my workout based on my need. As a result, I had a much better speed workout because I was rested. Who knew? (I’m laughing. We all know. We just don’t do it. Until someone we respect tells us to. Directly.)
  • Fit. If you are going to choose a coach, make sure it’s the right coach for you. I spoke with several of of my coach’s clients – super fast, fast and downright normal runners – and got feedback from each one. Pluses, minuses, likes, dislikes, whether or not they improved- anything I could think of.  Usually coaches have options available.  Whether they put together an individual plan for you or have one on one coaching with feedback – there are usually multiple plans to choose from ranging in  the amount of interaction and cost to fit your budget.
  • Variability. I am digging the variability in the workouts! I mean, it’s running. You run. How fun can it be? OH BUT WAIT, POODLE! It really can be fun!  Mixing up speeds, times, distances, surges, intervals- it’s not just the same old same old. In order to get fast, you need to run fast. And I ‘m learning that there are MANY ways to do so. It’s like a breath of fresh air.
  • Permission. Here’s a surprising one. Like I mentioned before, I was sick all week. I had a full running week as well as a 50 mile bike ride on Saturday and a long run on Sunday. My coach messaged me and wished me luck for Saturday’s ride then added – let’s see how you feel for Sunday. I’d rather have you get some extra rest. I don’t want this cough to linger. So instead of running long, I ran easy and short, just enough to shake out the legs. It may sound silly, but if I’m going to follow a plan, I FOLLOW THE PLAN. I spent 13 years in Catholic school. Discipline and guilt run strong up in here. I wasn’t slacking. I was sick and resting. I’m sure we can do a full on psychoanalysis of this another time,  but being given permission to sit on the couch and catch up on Real Housewives instead of slogging through a run just to get the miles in, meant an awful lot to me. It was a stress lifted. Permission granted and accepted.
  • Motivation. I have been more inspired to run in the past several weeks than I have in a very long time. I attribute that to the decision to hire a coach. It’s new. It’s fresh. And I am excited! Running was starting to feel like a chore for me. It was sapping the fun out of it. Even though you have big goals and are serious about what you’re doing, doesn’t mean that you have to be miserable doing it. Just keep that in mind. 🙂

Have you thought about hiring a coach? Do you have one? Are you one?! What would you look for in hiring a coach? Do you love lobster rolls as much as I do? 

Five Reasons 5Ks are Proof that Hell on Earth Exists

 

hell

I am in hell. 

I ran a 5K this weekend. I ran it as a training run sandwiched between 2 easy mile bookends for a total of 7.1 miles for the day. My new Coach thought it would be a “fun” thing for me to do as we kick off marathon training.  At the time, I was totally on board. I even suggested it. “Sure, Coach! FUN!” Let me preface this by saying that I really believed this would be a fantastic idea- it was for an incredible local cause. And being a shop-local-community-type gal, I signed right on up. I also thought I was fairly fit, having run a marathon and hiked a million miles on vacation the past two weeks.  In that brief moment, I forgot the fact that I hated 5Ks. I hate them more than any distance. Gimme a marathon any day over this hell fest. At least with a marathon, there’s time to settle in. With a 5K, it is ON.  I’m nervous. I have to pee incessantly.  And my stomach feels like it’s been taken over by a swarm of bumble bees. I’m a wreck for a 5K. An ill prepared- SHIT I NEED TO RUN FAST!- wreck. It’s crazy. Because for many of us, this is the race that starts it all! This is our first date with running. We swiped right. From here our love affair with running blossoms! From here it becomes a 10k, a half-marathon, a marathon….and maybe even an ultra. The sky is the limit! I ran a 5K! I love it! I love running! Oh, how quickly we forget. Maybe we black it out. Box it up and banish it to that far away place in our minds.  Because as I damn nearly forgot, 5Ks STINK. Here’s why….

Five Reasons 5Ks are Proof that Hell on Earth Exists

5. You need to run really, really fast. Sure, you can saunter along and chit chat with your squad but if you’re planning on racing one, in the words of the almighty Ru Paul – “You better werk!”  And by that I mean, you shouldn’t even be able to talk. There is no ‘Easy Pace’ in the 5K. You should be able to grunt. And maybe make a few simple hand gestures involving a middle finger. If you can carry on a conversation during a 5K, Gurl, you ain’t running hard enough. And who wants that? We’re social creatures for Pete’s sake. Let’s chit chat and be merry!

4. There is no time – I REPEAT – no time to screw around. That gun goes off and it’s time to make the donuts, eat them, then forget you even had them – GO! No dicking around people. There is little room for error with a 5K. Whatever the pace you’re huffing and puffing for, you better dial it in right off the line. If you don’t you’ll inevitably go out too fast, blow up and blow donut chunks at the finish. Graphic? Yes. But totally true.

3. Your heart may very well explode. Or minimally, bounce out of your chest, stop, restart, then hop back in it’s comfy cavity, exhausted. Feeling like you’re dying is never, ever a good thing. I’m all for ’embracing the suck’ and ‘getting uncomfortable’ and all that cliched happy horseshit- but for the love of coronary arteries, it’s all a bit much. I’m sure the 5K is the ideal HIIT workout (high intensity interval training).  HIIT workouts usually feature a short period of intense work with an easier recovery period only THERE IS NO RECOVERY PERIOD IN A 5K. Unless you count laying face down on the finish line in a heap of broken dreams. That’s why your heart wants to burst.  It hates you and your 5K.

2. Wait. That’s it? I’m done?!? After you’ve died a thousand deaths, sucked wind and hurled – it’s over. 5Ks are quick. So if you’re trying to avoid mowing the lawn, re-staining your deck or spending time with your in -laws on a gorgeous summer weekend THIS AIN’T THE RACE FOR YOU. You will be home and ready to throw yourself into your annoying house hold chores zippity quick. You can’t bail on a gorgeous summer mid-day baby shower and forgo ohhh-ing and ahhhh-ing over diaper genies and onsies if  you’re running a 5K because you will have time to go home, shower and fluff up in no time. Who wants to run a race that doesn’t involve a “Get Out Of Annoying Obligations Because You’re Racing -Free” card?  Gimme a nice long marathon as an excuse to get out of doing pesky things on a weekend any damn day.

And the Number 1 reason why 5Ks are proof that hell on earth exists…..

1. 5Ks HURT. In my humble opinion, those wretched things may last less than 30 minutes (god willing) BUT it will be the worst 30 minutes of your life. Your heart, your lungs, your legs, your ego…..EVERYTHING HURTS AND YOU’RE DYING. Improving your time on the damn thing? That hurts even more. And is it even worth it? I’m not quite sure.

Although….

Maybe if I focused on shorter distances and did more speed work and maybe prepared to race 5Ks or even ran more than one a year or maybe spent more time on the track or didn’t have a few beers the night before…maybe then it wouldn’t be so bad?…

Don’t kid yourself. We runners are masochists. Pain is temporary. Just like our memory.

XO,

Colby

 

3 Day Juice Cleanse: Success!

excited

72 hours of not chewing a damn thing. No food. No tacos. No nothing. Just juice. And dark green juice at that. Done-zo. I neither fainted nor died. Which were both pluses. I managed one run, two walks and a Bikram Yoga class. Otherwise, I laid low. It’s not really the time to run Yasso 800s when you’re consuming just juice and are damn near glycogen depleted. I mean I’m nuts and all, but there was just no way my legs would do it. Nor did I want to. This was a reset for me. A nice calm, green reset.

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Cheers!

I am pleased to report that I did not cheat. Not. Once. Even though I did make dinner for My Beloved which was both torturous, cruel and unnecessary. (I wanted to stick my face in it for Pete’s sake.) Even though He stocked our fridge with my favorite Bordeaux and IPAs. Even though there were homemade dark chocolate covered pretzels on my counter. And Christmas cookies at every turn. I held steady. Here’s why…

Doing this was quite the undertaking. I shopped, juiced, prepped and cleared my schedule of Holiday Shenanigans for 3 days. Note: Buying lots of organic produce ain’t cheap. I also planned it around my training schedule. Because continuing training at my “normal” pace during this would not be conducive to life. I’d be belly up on the floor.  Finding 3 consecutive quiet days in December was harder than I thought. I know. All of this is total selfish nonsense, #firstworld to the max. But investing in your health during the season of over indulgence is important. It sets the tone for the year ahead. So I’ll take being a lil’ selfish.

There were definitely some low, hangry moments. Day 2 was a bear for me. There were also some verrry tempting moments on Day 1 that tested my commitment. I’m looking at YOU, gallon of peanut butter pretzels 3 feet from my desk. Another unnecessary bullshit hurdle. If all of the tempting hurdles taught me anything, it was that I could clear them. Easily.  Will power is really like a super power sometimes.

Somewhere late into day Day 2, it actually became easy.  In a bizarre twist, I had tons of energy and felt sharper. No joke-more clear headed  and with an awful lot of focus. Maybe it’s no sugar? No caffeine? Maybe I imagined it? I really have no definite proof other than to say that come Day 3, I really felt great. I slept soundly. I felt leaner. Slightly meaner 😉 and definitely more clear headed.

So now what? Welp. I am far more motivated to eat cleaner and mind the sugar and caffeine. Maybe limit myself to one coffee, instead of a pot. Or two. Limit the carbs a bit. Clean up the edges. It also eliminated comfort eating. You know when you pad around the kitchen, opening the fridge 100 times then settle for a box of half stale Reduced Fat Wheat Thins? Yeah. That kind of comfort eating. When I felt hungry, I had a glass of water *lightbulb* which curbed the craving. Simple. Basic. And no damn surprise. I haven’t felt this hydrated in months. In fact, I haven’t felt this AWARE in months. Let’s hope it sticks. 😊

What’s your go to comfort food? Do you hang up your water bottle come fall? Would you ever do this?

3 Day Juice Cleanse: Homestretch!

happydance

I’m so close to the end I can taste it. And it doesn’t take like Green Juice. It tastes like pure joy. I’m not gonna lie. Day 2 of this 3 Day Juice Cleanse  was rough. Talk about peaks and valleys. I was a mid-day mess. I may have even gotten a little snappy or, hangry as the kids say. Late afternoon yesterday was the low point. Hungry and just plain pooped. But then things shifted inexplicably and I started to feel much, much better as the day went on. Energized even.

exhausted

Me. 3:17pm yesterday.

I am moving on along though, the end CLEARLY in sight. Which brings me to my next point, clarity.  I don’t know if it’s the caloric reduction, the lack of caffeine or what, but I seem to have crazy focus. I also feel a little bit like a fog has lifted. Maybe not fog. Maybe film. I had felt like everything lately- mind included- had been dulled. Like covered in a film. I felt sharper last night and super focused. It was odd. Of course maybe it was just the Herculean willpower I displayed last night, cooking My Other Half dinner. WHICH I DIDN’T EAT. What kind of complete and utter shit is that? I must realllllly love him. I feel like I can hang this over his head a bit. I feel a “Remember that time I was doing a cleanse and was starving and STILL made you dinner like it was 1954 and I was in the kitchen in kitten heels and a cute apron COOKING FOR MY MAN?!?!?!” in my immediate future. I survived though. And he enjoyed supper.

Funny-memes-Oven

Seriously.

Last day, Poodles. I’m curious to see if the increased energy/clarity or whatever I’m experiencing hangs through today now that the hump of Day 2 is over. I’m also curious to look around the interwebs and see if people report feeling this way. And of course if there is any scientific proof of it- because I’m a science dork at my very core. Whether it is real or simply perceived doesn’t matter. I feel it. So I’m goin’ with it! 🙂

Have you ever done a fast? Have you ever done a cleanse? Who makes dinner at your house? 

 

3 Day Juice Cleanse: 1 Down, 2 To Go. And yes. I’m starving.

feed me seymor

And by FEED ME, I don’t mean gallons of green shit. I mean trays of pizza. Sweet Clumps of Kale, Day 1 is DONE! Hooray! Actually. I’m being far too dramatic. It really wasn’t that bad. Like at all. In fact, I even managed a short run to break in my new Altra’s and then went to Bikram Yoga.

Hold up, hold up…
Let’s let that sink in.

I am in the throes of a juice cleanse and I went to Bikram Yoga.

WHO AM I?!?!?

Maybe I am shape shifting into Deepak Chopra! I’m a goddamn Paragon of Health! That is of course until Day 4 rolls around and I’m stuffing my gob with scoops of guac and IPAs.  I suppose it could be worse. I could be in the throes of a Stranger Things Netflix binge covered in Dorito dust. At least I’m trying. Tiny victories, Poodles.

As you know, I kicked off my 3 Day Juice cleanse yesterday. No time like a Monday in December when you have a Christmas Cookie Swap at Tina’s the end of the week to start a cleanse. Never fear. It will be wrapped up by then. Yesterday wasn’t so bad! I was juiced, packed and prepped early. Here’s how the 3 Days will go:

8am- 10oz of Grapefruit/Orange Juice Combo. Freshly squeezed. Freshly fresh.

10am- 10oz of Green Juice. This is the main staple of this particular cleanse. It consists of kale, spinach, romaine, green apples, parsley, celery, lemon and cucumbers. I might be forgetting shit. It’s all green. With a splash of yellow. Freshly juiced. Freshly fresh.

12am- You guessed it. 10oz of Green Juice. Again. Uh. huh. Green. Glug, glug.

3pm- 10oz of Lemonade. But not Country Time. Fresh lemons, lime, Grade B Maple Syrup (which, BTW no longer is called that. Now it’s GRADE A, DARK AND ROBUST! I added the exclamation point because it seems necessary. And I love syrup.) and cayenne pepper. I don’t know why, but drinking this makes me feel like Beyonce. If only…

5pm- 10oz of Green Shit Juice. I kid. I love you Green Juice. You make me feel whole.

1hr before bed- Cashew “Milk”.  Raw Cashews, that delicious syrup Vitamixed to a creamy elixir. It is a delight.

That’s all, Folks. See what’s notably missing? Besides beer and garlic knots and chewable food? COFFEE. I’m off caffeine. GAHHHH. That’s worse than anything. I had a very dull headache that did seem to subside as the day went on. I missed coffee yesterday. In fact, I miss it more today but that’s for tomorrow’s post. In addition to all that GREEN, I’ve been drinking quite a bit of water. Which is making me freezing cold. Not kidding. I’m swaddled in fleece and peeing LIKE A BOSS! I am also drinking green tea simply because I am freezing.

I’m not sure if going for a short 30 minute run on the treadmill then doing Bikram was smart, but I felt good. So I went. And sweated PROFUSELY. Of course I re-hydrated. Shit. That’s all I’m doing. Again, don’t follow this nonsense! Check with your doctor before you drink Organic Sludge and do steaming hot yoga! You do YOU. This is simply my opinion and crazy experience.  In an evil nod from the universe, this is what greeted me as I left the gym.  Temptation, much? Whore basket.

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You’re killing me Planet Fitness.

Today admittedly, I’m a little tuckered. But I am not ravenous. I think today I’ll probably just take Drunk Otis for a walk. That may be smarter. The point of this cleanse is to go easy on myself, rest the gut, detox, blah, blah- not beat the snot out of me.  I’ll dial it down. I’m going to have to. I’m dragging at the moment. Time for GREEEEEEEEN.

Until tomorrow, Friends!

xoxo

Have you recently switched running shoes? What do you run in? Have you had to switch because of changes made to the newest edition that didn’t work for you? Why do companies do that? 😦

3 Day Juice Cleanse: Day 1. Oh, this is gonna be good.

juice cleanse elen

Sorry, Ellen. I love ya, but I’m talking about it. I have to. It’s either that or I grab that bag of peanut butter pretzels sitting 3 feet away from me, snatch them like a fiend and inhale every last one, salty peanut buttery pieces flying around my head like a hysterical snow globe. Accountability is key for me. And putting it out there on this little blog is my way of doing so. I’ve embarked on the 3 Day Juice Cleanse before. It’s usually at the onset of training. When I want to get my head set, detox and de-bloat. You know how I love a delicious IPA. Welp. It’s time to PUT THE BEER DOWN COLBY and pick up the GREEN JUICE. You’ve read about my existential crisis and about kicking off base building complete with Bikram Yoga, clearly I’m searching for something. I think it’s just something called health.

Let’s face it. I ain’t getting any younger. While I audibly gasped it pained me to have to check the 45-50 year old box- WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK! – whilst registering for the Vermont City Marathon, I need remind myself that yes, while age ain’t nothin ‘ but a number, my slow post-Boston Marathon recovery, tight ass hips and overall creakiness is more than just a state of mind. It’s real. So, in order to help myself be my best self, I need to invest in my health a bit. Up my health game, if you will. To be kind to my body. Listen to it. Honor it. And to stop being so unnecessarily hard on it. I’m looking at you, Craft Beer. cleanse mindy

Now whether a 3 Day Juice Cleanse is going to transform me into a glowing paragon of perfect health or morph me into Deepak Chopra remains to be seen. My guess is No. It certainly will not. It’s not going to cure me of all of my ills. It’s also not going to make me drop tons and tons of weight either. It’s not a magical elixir.  It’s also not a diet. It’s a reset for me.  It will set the tone for how I want this training cycle to go- healthy, focused and disciplined. It will de-puff and de-bloat me. It will rest my gut a bit. I’m not even sure that a gut needs to be rested. But without bulk in it,  I feel like it will allow for more vitamins and nutrients to be absorbed unhindered. What do I know? I just know what I think. This is strictly my opinion, my crazy ass experience. It’s not a recommendation. So, please, don’t listen to me. You do YOU. – Just read and laugh and share and say Oh, Colby, You cray! Then leave YOU CAN DO IT! in the comments. I’m a biologist not a nutritionist or gastroenterology guru. Just a girl who’s set on drinking green shit in the hopes of feeling better about herself.  That’s all.

cleanse mindy 2

I’m hoping my 3 Day Juice Cleanse will be a break from my dependence on caffeine which is GETTING OUT OF CONTROL. I’m wired for sound lately. It’s a bit much. I’m several hours and two juices into my day and already I can feel an ache of a headache sans caffeine. That’s just dumb.  I need to throttle back.  I’m also hoping that it will inspire me to up my water consumption from thimble to actual glass. I’m awful lately.  Dehydration alone can be contributing my my issues-  dry flaky skin included.

britney cleanse

So here goes nothing. I just swilled my first of many Green Juices and I didn’t die. All total today I will have 1 Orange/Grapefruit Juice, 3 Green Juices, 1 “Lemonade”, and 1 Cashew “Milk” and of course water and non-caffeine herbal teas if I want.  I’ll explain more later provided you don’t find me rocking in the corner bingeing on peanut butter pretzels. Imma look and feel fabulous! At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Who am I kidding? I’m going to be a salty swearing starving Pirate. But hopefully I’ll have good skin and de-puffed belly. Stay tuned!

Have you ever tried a juice cleanse? Would you ever try a juice cleanse? 

The Sunday Night Existential Crisis


Damn you, Weekend. Where have you gone? And for the love of all things Sunday, why do I get an insta-stomach ache when it gets to like, 8pm and I get the I DON’T WANNA GO TO WORK 3rd grade hissy fit going? It’s usually followed by a super dramatic stomp to the laundry room only to realize that I haven’t thrown my favorite running duds in the washer and what’s in the washer smells like dirty moldy feet because it’s been there since Friday, soaking wet.

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!?!

*throws self on hardwood floor, clutches knees, and yells WHHHHHYYYYY a la Nancy Kerrigan circa 1994 clubbing*

Hello, Sunday Night Existential Crisis! It’s that moment each and every damn week where I question the very foundations of my existence. We’re talking frenzy, Poodles. What does it all mean? What’s the point of all this? When I am long gone, will I have left a teeny tiny mark, ON ANYTHING? Oh, yeah. We’re talkin’ DEFCON level 10 drama.

This shit more often than not follows a great weekend that I don’t want to end. This time it was a quiet weekend with My Other Half and the pups, running, hiking, exploring and relaxing together in Vermont. Nothing mega fab. Just quiet. No TV. No WIFI. Just books, beer, blankets and each other. Simple. Paired down. Together. I love weekends like that. I usually come home and rant about downsizing, camper van adventures, tiny homes and living off the grid.

These kind of weekends really do make me question my life choices. From lifestyle to work to what goals I am setting to what race I’m running to why aren’t i doing yoga to…..EVERYTHING. And then I stomp around like Grouchy Smurf instead of actually doing something. Totally crippled by my own ridiculous inertia. Such a brat.

So. Now that I’ve called myself out on my petulant self, here’s what I just did.

  1. Registered for the Vermont City Marathon
  2. Bought an unlimited month of yoga
  3. Re-Washed my damn running clothes

Boom. DONE. There. Take THAT Existential Crisis. NOW I have a plan. Because if I can bitch and sulk and stomp around yelling GAAAAAHHHH all Sunday night, I can damn well sit my ass down, be grateful for a lovely weekend, be thankful to have been surrounded with all that I love and decide what the fuck I am running this spring, sign up for a yoga class tomorrow and do my damn laundry.

Enough. GET IT TOGETHER, COLBY.

I feel better already. ☺️

Do you have an occasional Existential Crisis? Or are they just reserved for major life changes? What are you doing with your life? 😜

5 Years a Blogger

So this happened.


TODAY IS MARATHON AND A SPRINT DAY! Imma hashtag the snot out of that! #marathonandsprintday Yippeee! Lobster rolls and IPAs for everyone! FIVE YEARS.  I can’t believe it. Tina and I started this blog 5 damn years ago on this very day.  What a fun day! I’ll never forget it. She called me on the phone.  The actual phone. As in, my land line. We weren’t wildly texting every 7 minutes like we are now.  Or using emojis. That’s how long ago it was. The internet existed. That much I know.  Anywho, she telephoned me with a crazy little idea….

Colby. It’s T. How’s about we start a blog? You’re bored. I need a creative outlet. We both run. We love it. We both ride. And. We both think we’re goddamn HI. LARIOUS. I love to write. You love to swear…. COME ON!!!  Whaddya think?

-Tina

And voila! Our fun, little, irreverent, snarky, sassy adventure blog was born. Thank god I started blogging again and reset my wordpress password. I would have totally missed this shit.

When you run Boston with your best friend 💛💙

The posts. Oh, the posts. Some silly, some serious, all in our own voices. I never look at blog stats. I’m sure that statement rescinds my Blogger Card, but I really don’t. Until tonight. I sifted through our “top” posts- a lot of which aren’t even my most favorite. *See my face plant and Tina’s allergic reaction below.* Those are two of my faves because they were 100% real. Real Colby and Real Tina. Uncensored. That’s not to say the others are #fakeblogs. They’re not. Those two were a couple of the MOST hysterical and memorable moments from the past few years. Christ. I had plastic surgery. ON MY FACE. Tina blew up like a puffer fish, put on her sunnies, took a handful of Benedryl and ran a marathon 4 hours later. Who does that? Of course Tina’s First Boston and selfishly my first Boston posts pretty much make me cry with joy every time I reread them. Those are biggies. Here are our top 10 most popular posts from the past 5 Years according to the numbahs.

  1. The Importance of Meeting Ernest
  2. Top 5 Reasons Why You Need to Do the Fenway Spartan Sprint
  3. Jellybeans: The Next Superfood?
  4. And then I exhaled.
  5. Is Anyone Ever The Biggest Winner?
  6. Top 10 Moments Riding in the Pan Mass Challenge
  7. Trader Joe is a crack dealer.
  8. An Open Letter to the Lady in the Way Too Huge Cotton Tee
  9. The Secret of the Pan Mass Challenge
  10. Brighten Up! 6 High Visibility Items for Running in Low Light

So, in summary, reviewing our past 5 years T-Bone and I have…

  • Run dozens of half marathons together. Seriously. So many combined.
  • PR’d in every damn distance- 5k, 20k, Half Marathon and Marathon
  • Run Marine Corps, Vermont City, New York, Philadelphia, Big Sur, Baystate, BOSTON (!!!) and more!
  • Met Bloggers in Real Life- and consider them friends! ❤️
  • Ridden several thousand miles all in the name of kicking cancer’s ass
  • Run a snowshoe 10k in sub-zero temps up a mountain in Vermont
  • Run an Ultra Marathon (Colby)
  • Run Spartan Races and Warrior Dashes galore!
  • Wound up in the ER (Colby) with stitches after face planting during a 20 miler
  • Discovered Hanson’s Marathon Method and both wept with pure joy and absolute exhaustion at the discovery
  • Would up with a massive allergic reaction (Tina) from ingesting no-frills-low-budget nuts the night before a marathon
  • Ran, rode, traveled, trained, reached goals, cried, complained, crashed and burned and qualified- together. I love you, T-Bone!!! ❤️
  • Had a hell of a lot of fun meeting a fantastic community of other Crazies (You) who are passionate about running, friendship and living life loud. Muahhhh! ❤️

Here’s to 5 more years! We may blog. We may take time outs. We may rant. And we may rave. But odds are, we’ll do it together. Thank you for follow along. ☺️ CHEERS, POODLES!!!

Xoxo,

Colby

The Return to Earth

I’ve been floating waaaay above the atmosphere post- Boston Marathon, riding a unicorn in a straight up stupor with Drunk Otis in tow. Wondering if it all just happened.

 adventure time sky clouds jake finn GIF

Source: GIPHY.com

What just happened? Was it all a dream? Did I really just run Boston? YAAAAASSSSSSSSQUEEEN. You did. And I’ve got the pics to prove it! I never usually buy the “official” marathon pics. Because:

  1. I usually look like a sweaty boy with a gigantic face and 17 more teeth than a normal human boy should have in their mouth. And,
  2. They’re expensive AF.

I usually despise every race photo, critiquing every square inch of myself. I’m never happy with the boy girl I see.  I am too… *insert rotten adjective here.*  Why is that? It’s terrible.  I am way too hard on myself with race photos. In my head I never look “athlete” or “fit” enough.  It’s the whole candid camera thing. The “Oh my god. That’s what I look like???” candid shot. I never like what I see. A selfie you can control. A race pic is a crap shoot. Uh, yeah. Issues much, Colby? However with this being Boston and all, I figured I’d suck it up, search for a coupon and buy them. I’m glad I did. While I didn’t have a ton of pics, I did have one that was special. I had one that I actually loved.img_0037

This picture sums it allllll up. That’s how I felt. Right there. On Boylston. Just before the finish. Tears in my eyes and a smile from my core with all 49 teeth visible. Complete pure, honest, JOY. Ahhhh! The thrill of the done! That’s it right there! The work. The tears. The moment. Every time I look at this picture I’m sent back to that exact second and I smile that same smile. That, Poodles, is a feeling I will never forget. To the Marathon Foto photographer who took this picture: I can’t thank you enough. Thank you for capturing this special moment. I see one strong, happy girl right there. One who is so grateful for running.  This time, I love the girl I see. And I’m so happy that girl is me. ❤

Do you usually buy the race pics? Have you ever gotten one that truly captured the moment?