Week 14 of Marathon Training had me like….
GAH.
ONE MONTH TO GO, POODLES! I can’t even deal. I will also add, that if the remaining month of training continues to be as Hot as Balls, I will completely throw myself on the floor, over dose on lobster rolls and delicious IPAs, and PACK THE SHIT IN. Go home Mother Nature. You’re a meth head.
After realizing last week that my taper consists of 55 miles the week before the marathon, then one week of light running the week of the marathon, I have been in a state of perpetual nausea. Total bundle of nerves. It’s really almost here! All this work and it’s really winding down. Of course I still have insane miles to run, but I’m chipping away at this beast. I can’t believe it. My runway has shortened. I am almost there. In my head and heart, I honestly believe that I’ve already won. #truth
As for the Taper, I have to come to terms with it. I have accepted it. The anger and depression stages are over and I’ve moved towards acceptance. Like a Big Girl Runner. I also re-read the chapter in Hansons Marathon Method that explains all this Taper Business. I see the method to their madness. Keep your foot on the gas. Ease off a bit. Don’t turn the car off. Instead, idle. Then get ready to BLAST OFF. Of course, I’m paraphrasing. I trust them. I have warmly embraced advice from fellow Hansons Maniacs, who have ensured me that the “Taper” will truly feel as such. And when I awake on Marathon Morning, my legs with sprout glittery wings and lead me to a BQ. I will then be known as Colbysus, Queen of the BQ.
Ok. Maybe they didn’t say exactly that.
But in my head it’s exactly what I goddamn heard.
Here’s how Week 14 of Marathon Training went down!
Monday: Easy run. 6 miles. And that’s exactly what it was. No muss. No fuss. Just a nice, hot, humid, 6 stinking miles on tired legs. At this point I was counting the seconds until my rest day. Wednesday? Where are you???
Tuesday: Strength Intervals. 2 x 3 mile with 1 mile recovery. Nailed the pace. YES! With warm up and cool down, we’re looking at 11 miles total. Before work. My quads raised the white flag and threw out a string of expletives at the end of this workout. Then they realized they were off until Thursday and promptly poured themselves a Bloody Mary, high fived each other and then did the Running Man. Just ‘cuz. Quads…They’re Crazy!
Wednesday: RESTFUCKINGDAY. I blew dried my hair, debuted a cute pair of flats, threw on some lip gloss and had a run-less day. I smiled. A lot. And may have even blown a kiss to the Coffee Guy after he handed me my brew. It was glorious.
Thursday: Tempo Run. 12 miles total. It was hot, but not humid. Each goddamn week, I dread this run. To me, it is a barometer for how I am training. Can I keep the pace for 9 miles? Will I be able to actually keep my intended pace on Marathon Day? I was a nervous wreck. I’m not kidding. I put so much pressure on myself. Honestly. Who does that? It’s just a goddamn run, Colby. Chill, Bitch. Chill. Here’s what happened: I ran. Fast. For all the miles. I nailed that pace. To the second. It was One of Those Runs. You know, The Unicorn of Runs. The one that makes you remember why you love running so much. Your breath. Your legs. All in concert. A symphony of perfection. I was overwhelmed. Tears. And then this reward…
Friday: Easy 6 miles. Legs were like string fries, but all good. NBD.
Saturday: 10 miles, a parade and a fair! I may have run along the parade route. I also may have waved and blown kisses at the crowd whilst doing so. That’s twice this week! #truestory
Sunday: How far? You’ve guessed it! Another 10 effen miles. Only this time is was cool out. Seasonal even. Like fall. Finally. 🙂
Total Number of Miles Run: 55
Total Number of Kisses Blown: 25
Number of Times I Spontaneously Burst Into Tears of Joy: 1
Your constant badassery amazes me.
YOU, Ms. Helly are the Ultimate Badass. You’re almost at Chi-Time! You’re ready, Lady! I wish I was going to be there to cheer you, Suze and Scott on!!! xoxoxo
You are a rock star my friend. And you’ll kick this marathon’s booty!!! xoxo
Thank you, Lady! I sure hope so. Or like I said. Lobster rolls and beer. By the truckload. Xo
❤ ❤ ❤
Yeahhhhhhh home STRETCH now!!! Well, could be a really long stretch if it doesn’t cool off for you. I am sorry to inform you that I have left the ranks of those sweating their asses off and joined those embracing all things fall and pumpkin. I truly hope that you can say the same thing very, very soon. And dude. Enjoy the taper. Less miles (although, 55 is a lot of fucking miles, my taper is similar so I feel you there) is less time spent in the inferno otherwise known as the great outdoors. You are killing those tempos, sister. I need more of those in my life. I also need to order the Hansons book ASAP. I’m sold. I like your training.
Home. Stretch. I can’t even DEAL. I can’t believe you went all pumpkin on me. I’m still holding out. I’m one cool weekend away from a pumpkin spice latte. I heard the crunch of leaves the other day and was shocked. I can’t wait to ease up. Taper Week is going to be like the 7 days of Christmas. Shit. I’m tired. Get the book. You’ll THRIVE on it, Beast Lady!!!
Haha right now I think taper > Christmas. Mine is a three week taper – so my peak week was 75 miles, then this week I’m at 56 or something (it isn’t over yet so who knows, I almost skipped my run this morning), and then 44 next week. 44. What am I going to do with myself? Definitely not run, that’s for damn sure.
SEVENTYFIVE. *faints*
My peak week is this week. I think it tops out at 67 or some shit like that? We’ll see how the weekend goes. I’ve been a complete crab. CRAB. You on the other hand are a complete BEAST.
44. Shit. That’s a vacation.
That I wish I was going on….
Ha – if I’m a beast, I feel like a freaking beat up beast. A battered beast. This is my week of 44 miles. 44. Like what do we even do with ourselves at 44 miles…total vacation mode!
Christ. I might pad around the house in a bathing suit, drink pina coladas and pretend I’m on a tropical vacay.
Yup. Basically. It’s kind of glorious. Makes me wonder why I we do this whole run a marathon thing!!
I can’t wait to take a mini-running break. Then I shall return to the trails and off of this god forsaken pavement. #intothewoods
Oh. BTW. If I’m in town for Hartford, I’ll totally come and cheer you on. I’ll be holding the sign that says:
RUN, BITCH. RUN!!!
xoxo,
Colby
Ahhhh do you live near Hartford? If so, maybe you can answer me this question: where is there good sushi? I freaking started eating sushi the night before all my races and long runs this summer and now I feel like I need to eat that before the marathon. But that can be sketchy when you don’t know a good place. FML. I’ll be in town Friday and Saturday that week!
I live about 45 minutes or so from there. Please hold. Asking Hartford area peeps. To be continued…..
Dude. Feng Asian Bistro. My sushi loving foodie friend recommended it. 🙂
YAS. Dude. YOU ROCK!!! I am so there. THANK YOU SO MUCH
No sweat. 5 friends said FENG! in unison. 🙂
Feng it IS!
I love your training recaps.
I’m willing to bet two bloody Mary’s that it’s a lot more fun to read about your training than to do it 🙂
Christ. Tomato juice ALONE is more goddamn fun. 😉
Woohoo on that awesome tempo run! That’s the kind of positive reinforcement you need before the race. Or, just review your blog with all of the butt-kicking you’ve been doing 🙂
That Tempo Run was the stuff dreams are made of. Let’s hope for another!!! And thanks, Lady! 🙂
Holy Crap, I’m tired. (From reading this. Not from anything I’ve done.) I’m also incredibly impressed and proud. I cannot wait for our post-race celebration at Wahlburgers and I’m making you wear that damn medal everywhere. You have, indeed, already won.
Then we will proceed to the couch, where we shall stay until Christmas. xo
PS – the Fenway Wahlburgers is supposed to open on Oct 1. We’ll break the joint in. Fear not, they have fish sandwiches and portobello burgers for people like you. Plus spiked milkshakes!!!
SOLD! So much damn fun!!! 🙂
Post-Race WILL BE EPIC. Regardless of ANY possible outcome. My couch misses me! That’s for SURE!
Jesus. I can’t wait to sit still a minute.
I love Unicorn runs. I’ve only had a few of them in my life. I hope one day that I’ll have a unicorn run that will give me a time to go run the Unicorn Marathon (Boston).
Fear not, you shall. You’re zippy as hell. Nothing beats a Unicorn Run. NOTHING!
Ummmm, question? As I think we’ve determined these are not the Hansons of either MMMBop fame or of the cross-checking camp, I would seriously question as to whether or not aforementioned training sadists have….wait for it……ACTUALLY RUN THEIR OWN DAMN PROGRAM. Because I strongly sense marathon training plan SHENANIGANS are afoot.
You crack me up. Those boys are fast. And yes. They sure have. Even the dude’s wife did. She followed it to a T. And she shaved an ABSURD amount of time off of her marathon. Go figure.
I still call shenanigans….
Christ. I may just call bullshit. 😉
I would worship you. Just saying.
I’ll be worshipping you in April. When you kick the snot out of Boston. I’ll be there Lady! #EpicMeetUp
I can relate to everything but the spontaneous bursting into tears of jo- um, any kind of tears part… Yup, everything but that. 😉
Aww come on Jim. Not one single tear after a serious hard ride?!?! 😉
Oh, you got me… At the end of DALMAC. I’d been dreaming about doing that ride since I started riding. 380 miles in four days and my wife and daughters were cheering at the finish line… The last 20 miles we held a 24 mph average (and had a 19 mph overall average for the four days). In short, I was pretty much toast. And yes, I definitely got a little misty. Touche. 😀
I KNEW IT.
Ya big softie…. 😉
LOL! You know better. 😀
Awesome training week, sounds like you are READY!!!
Thank you! I sure as hell hope so!!!! 🙂
you’re amazing. and hilarious. and i love that beach pic. so solid, girl! and i firmly believe in blowing kisses alllll the time.
That damn sunset moved me to tears. Like a Crazy Pants! This couple was staring at my sweaty self wondering what had happened. I had a great {sob} run. BWWWAAAHHHH.
Effin’ A, girl! If you don’t BQ, I will die of shock, and then I will hunt down those Hansen’s SOBs and hurt them on your behalf, cause this schedule is insane!
I will lead the charge!!! xoxoxo
I think I need to try this whole marathon business out. Everyone I know seems to be wanting to run one or Artie has run one. I feel like I’m left out. I do know taper. Just not probably as an extreme runners like you and the other marathoners. Congrats on making it this far!!!
Give it a whirl!!! And believe me. When this nonsense is over, TAPER will be my middle name. 🙂
Ahh that first gif is the best- I love it! Also I feel like I want to go for a run now! Or maybe tomorrow morning since I’m already in my pajamas….. 🙂
I WISH I was in my pjs right now! And Shy Ronnie is a riot. Gotta love that Andy Samberg. 🙂
Wow. I’m impressed! I don’t think I’d have the motivation to do the training! Good luck!
I didn’t think I would either. And I mean it. Funny how things change! Thank you, Lady! 🙂
Wouldn’t it be great to have a show called the Honest Weather Forecast: “Hot as Balls”, “Cold as Fuck” “Mother Nature What the Fuck Is Going On” ?? You should totally trademark that idea! Good luck with the last few weeks of training! But more importantly how is Drunk Otis?? x
I totally think we are on to something Pippa! We can host it together. Your accent will SLAY! Drunk Otis is on the verge of obtaining his own Instagram! He’s such a love! He’s totally looking forward to hiking this weekend! And Shadow? On the mend? WAIT. YOU? On the mend? xo
I finally saw a physio and have been given 3 weeks as a recovery time IF I’m really good and do my nerdy exercises religiously, which I obviously will. Shadow is good, he finally learnt to swim in the river as opposed to just plodding around 😀