3 Day Juice Cleanse: Day 1. Oh, this is gonna be good.

Sorry, Ellen. I love ya, but I’m talking about it. I have to. It’s either that or I grab that bag of peanut butter pretzels sitting 3 feet away from me, snatch them like a fiend and inhale every last one, salty peanut buttery pieces flying around my head like a hysterical snow globe. Accountability is key for me. And putting it out there on this little blog is my way of doing so. I’ve embarked on the 3 Day Juice Cleanse before. It’s usually at the onset of training. When I want to get my head set, detox and de-bloat. You know how I love a delicious IPA. Welp. It’s time to PUT THE BEER DOWN COLBY and pick up the GREEN JUICE. You’ve read about my existential crisis and about kicking off base building complete with Bikram Yoga, clearly I’m searching for something. I think it’s just something called health.

Let’s face it. I ain’t getting any younger. While I audibly gasped it pained me to have to check the 45-50 year old box- WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK! – whilst registering for the Vermont City Marathon, I need remind myself that yes, while age ain’t nothin ‘ but a number, my slow post-Boston Marathon recovery, tight ass hips and overall creakiness is more than just a state of mind. It’s real. So, in order to help myself be my best self, I need to invest in my health a bit. Up my health game, if you will. To be kind to my body. Listen to it. Honor it. And to stop being so unnecessarily hard on it. I’m looking at you, Craft Beer. 

Now whether a 3 Day Juice Cleanse is going to transform me into a glowing paragon of perfect health or morph me into Deepak Chopra remains to be seen. My guess is No. It certainly will not. It’s not going to cure me of all of my ills. It’s also not going to make me drop tons and tons of weight either. It’s not a magical elixir.  It’s also not a diet. It’s a reset for me.  It will set the tone for how I want this training cycle to go- healthy, focused and disciplined. It will de-puff and de-bloat me. It will rest my gut a bit. I’m not even sure that a gut needs to be rested. But without bulk in it,  I feel like it will allow for more vitamins and nutrients to be absorbed unhindered. What do I know? I just know what I think. This is strictly my opinion, my crazy ass experience. It’s not a recommendation. So, please, don’t listen to me. You do YOU. – Just read and laugh and share and say Oh, Colby, You cray! Then leave YOU CAN DO IT! in the comments. I’m a biologist not a nutritionist or gastroenterology guru. Just a girl who’s set on drinking green shit in the hopes of feeling better about herself.  That’s all.

I’m hoping my 3 Day Juice Cleanse will be a break from my dependence on caffeine which is GETTING OUT OF CONTROL. I’m wired for sound lately. It’s a bit much. I’m several hours and two juices into my day and already I can feel an ache of a headache sans caffeine. That’s just dumb.  I need to throttle back.  I’m also hoping that it will inspire me to up my water consumption from thimble to actual glass. I’m awful lately.  Dehydration alone can be contributing my my issues-  dry flaky skin included.

So here goes nothing. I just swilled my first of many Green Juices and I didn’t die. All total today I will have 1 Orange/Grapefruit Juice, 3 Green Juices, 1 “Lemonade”, and 1 Cashew “Milk” and of course water and non-caffeine herbal teas if I want.  I’ll explain more later provided you don’t find me rocking in the corner bingeing on peanut butter pretzels. Imma look and feel fabulous! At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Who am I kidding? I’m going to be a salty swearing starving Pirate. But hopefully I’ll have good skin and de-puffed belly. Stay tuned!

Have you ever tried a juice cleanse? Would you ever try a juice cleanse?