And by FEED ME, I don’t mean gallons of green shit. I mean trays of pizza. Sweet Clumps of Kale, Day 1 is DONE! Hooray! Actually. I’m being far too dramatic. It really wasn’t that bad. Like at all. In fact, I even managed a short run to break in my new Altra’s and then went to Bikram Yoga.
Hold up, hold up…
Let’s let that sink in.
I am in the throes of a juice cleanse and I went to Bikram Yoga.
WHO AM I?!?!?
Maybe I am shape shifting into Deepak Chopra! I’m a goddamn Paragon of Health! That is of course until Day 4 rolls around and I’m stuffing my gob with scoops of guac and IPAs. I suppose it could be worse. I could be in the throes of a Stranger Things Netflix binge covered in Dorito dust. At least I’m trying. Tiny victories, Poodles.
As you know, I kicked off my 3 Day Juice cleanse yesterday. No time like a Monday in December when you have a Christmas Cookie Swap at Tina’s the end of the week to start a cleanse. Never fear. It will be wrapped up by then. Yesterday wasn’t so bad! I was juiced, packed and prepped early. Here’s how the 3 Days will go:
8am- 10oz of Grapefruit/Orange Juice Combo. Freshly squeezed. Freshly fresh.
10am- 10oz of Green Juice. This is the main staple of this particular cleanse. It consists of kale, spinach, romaine, green apples, parsley, celery, lemon and cucumbers. I might be forgetting shit. It’s all green. With a splash of yellow. Freshly juiced. Freshly fresh.
12am- You guessed it. 10oz of Green Juice. Again. Uh. huh. Green. Glug, glug.
3pm- 10oz of Lemonade. But not Country Time. Fresh lemons, lime, Grade B Maple Syrup (which, BTW no longer is called that. Now it’s GRADE A, DARK AND ROBUST! I added the exclamation point because it seems necessary. And I love syrup.) and cayenne pepper. I don’t know why, but drinking this makes me feel like Beyonce. If only…
5pm- 10oz of Green
Shit Juice. I kid. I love you Green Juice. You make me feel whole.
1hr before bed- Cashew “Milk”. Raw Cashews, that delicious syrup Vitamixed to a creamy elixir. It is a delight.
That’s all, Folks. See what’s notably missing? Besides beer and garlic knots and chewable food? COFFEE. I’m off caffeine. GAHHHH. That’s worse than anything. I had a very dull headache that did seem to subside as the day went on. I missed coffee yesterday. In fact, I miss it more today but that’s for tomorrow’s post. In addition to all that GREEN, I’ve been drinking quite a bit of water. Which is making me freezing cold. Not kidding. I’m swaddled in fleece and peeing LIKE A BOSS! I am also drinking green tea simply because I am freezing.
I’m not sure if going for a short 30 minute run on the treadmill then doing Bikram was smart, but I felt good. So I went. And sweated PROFUSELY. Of course I re-hydrated. Shit. That’s all I’m doing. Again, don’t follow this nonsense! Check with your doctor before you drink Organic Sludge and do steaming hot yoga! You do YOU. This is simply my opinion and crazy experience. In an evil nod from the universe, this is what greeted me as I left the gym. Temptation, much? Whore basket.
Today admittedly, I’m a little tuckered. But I am not ravenous. I think today I’ll probably just take Drunk Otis for a walk. That may be smarter. The point of this cleanse is to go easy on myself, rest the gut, detox, blah, blah- not beat the snot out of me. I’ll dial it down. I’m going to have to. I’m dragging at the moment. Time for GREEEEEEEEN.
Until tomorrow, Friends!
Have you recently switched running shoes? What do you run in? Have you had to switch because of changes made to the newest edition that didn’t work for you? Why do companies do that? 😦