I’ll take 20 miles, an emergency room, 3 stitches, Dermabond and a big fat shiner for $400 Alex.

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What is Saturday’s Long Run???!?!
{Pregnant pause}
YOU ARE CORRECT!

It’s been one hell of a weekend. Bright beautiful running weather. Sunny blue skies. Cherry blossoms in full bloom. 30 Push-Ups a day. And Saturday’s Long Run which turned into an episode of Gray’s Anatomy sans McDreamy.

Such. Shit.

I will spare you much of the details, albeit one major one. I was having a beautiful run. I was 16 miles into a 20 mile long run, my last before the KeyBank Vermont City Marathon. The day was perfect. I was happy as a clam, smiling a big old “It’s great to be ALIVE!” kinda smile. I had a great week, blogged quite a bit, hydrated, ate well, kept the gin swillin’ to a minimum, and got in all my runs. Responsible Colby. I’d pretty much call that Stellar. I awoke on Saturday, excited. Really excited. Here I am. Running without a plan, meandering around here and there all along the beautiful Connecticut Shoreline. Legs felt snappy. Like Spring, they had finally Sprung.

So.

I crest a slight hill and am running wildly down the backside. My legs feel great. Like, really great. Off I go. Picking up speed. When suddenly…a dip. In the road. Which I totally do not see. I plant my right foot and my left foot misses. The next thing I know I am being LAUNCHED into the air. {Insert Jennifer Beals’ body double doing that dive roll audition thing from Flashdance. Only I don’t dive, I just roll. ON MY FACE.} I slam my knee down ripping skin (and my favorite Lululemon capris), my hands shoot out and my face hits the road. Hard. And skids. My feet? Over my head.

Crash.
Boom.
Skid.
Long run. Over.

I jump up IMMEDIATELY. My teeth! My teeth! I smile at a car containing the wonderful kind people who help me. Their faces? Pure horror.

Me: {Screams like a hysterical crazy person who just face planted. With momentum.) DO I HAVE MY TEETH?!?! ARE MY TEETH IN MY HEAD?!?!?
Kind People: Yes! Ohmygod! There’s a big dip in the road! Are you ok?!?! Let us take you to the hospital!!
Me: {Calmly, with teeth.} Oh. No thank you. I only have 4 more miles. I’ll run home. Thanks. {Blood begins pouring down my salty, sweaty, gravel crusted face}
Kind People: WHAT?!? OH NO YOU DON’T.

And my bloody, gravely face hopped into a kind strangers car and went home. Then to the emergency room. The result: a tetanus shot, 10 needles in my face, an excruciating de-graveling of my grill, 3 stitches, Dermabonded skin, abrasions, lacerations, a shredded shoulder, a skinned knee, palms without skin, a fat lip, and one hell of a black eye. I am hideous. I woke up looking like an extra from The Walking Dead. I am lucky I didn’t break MY TEETH, eye orbit or wrists according to The Doctor. I know I am. But is it crazy that the thing I am most pissed about is that I didn’t finish my long run? I am so bummed. I couldn’t do it. And not because my legs were tired. I fell. Literally apart. And like godamn Humpty Dumpty, they had to put me back together again. MY FACE. WITH CRAZY GLUE. The cuts, the road rash? It will heal. The swelling will subside. And not for nothing, the black eye is kinda bad ass. But those last 4 miles on that {Otherwise} Perfect Day?

Lost.
Like my skin.
Ouch.

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78 thoughts on “I’ll take 20 miles, an emergency room, 3 stitches, Dermabond and a big fat shiner for $400 Alex.

  1. I knew the worst part was that you didn’t finish your run. I know someone else who would be the same way, ahem. But you will do GREAT at the marathon anyway. Put it aside.
    You don’t look like The Walking Dead – you just look like a hot chick who was mugged. Drag out your old Ed Hardy tattoo sleeve T, put on your skull & crossbones headband, and roll with it. As always, you look great. And your chompers are as gorgeous as ever. Phew.
    Bring the capris back to Lulu and complain about cheap fabric (do not mention the Agony of Defeat fall).
    Rest up and heal, my friend. xxoo

    • “Ahem” is right! We’re two Peas, T! Only I’m the Pea in the irregular bin. On clearance. All will heal. And my run will get a do over on Saturday. Dammit. I might wear a helmet and that face shield basketball players with busted noses wear, but I’m doing it. I’m a hot mess.

  2. OMG! What a story! I can just imagine the car’s passengers’ faces. And, I totally get the idea to just run those 4 miles home. Will you be able to do the marathon?

    • So I’m not the only one ticked off about missing the last 4? Tina is. But she’s bat shit crazy like me. πŸ™‚ Oh I’m doing that damn marathon. Come hell or high water. I am. I’ll be wearing a hat and slathered in zinc oxide to shield the sun. But I’ll be there, running my guts out with a shirt that says “You should see the other guy.” Hopefully I’ll be healed by then. And not look like a MMA Fighter.

  3. OH MY GOODNESS YOU POOR THING. I have bitten it hard while running before, but thankfully not ER quality. I am lucky to have not broken anything, but I had some awesome hematomas on my hip and shoulder and knee after. And made people across 5 lanes of traffic shout OH MY GOD.
    And the black eye would def be badass. ROCK IT.

  4. Okay I liked this post because you have teeth, eyeballs, and wrists. Oh my god I’m so sorry. 😦 I don’t think you’re crazy at all for being upset about not finishing either because I would have reacted the exact same way. (I’ve bit it pretty hard on a long run before. Hell I ran a long run with a stomach flu because I HAD TO DO THE LONG RUN.) I’m so glad you are otherwise okay and that those nice people happened to be there to help you. Sending you lots of very careful hugs from Maryland.

    • I remember reading about your stomach flu! That’s awful!!! So bummed about it. But alas, there is always this Saturday which shouldn’t screw me up to bad. (Cross my paws.) We runners are a tough breed. I have no idea when I became one. When did that happen? Who am I? Thanks for the kind words. Here’s to healing! πŸ™‚

  5. Well, now that you’ve got that ordeal out of the way, you should have a perfect marathon! I would have been just as upset over not finishing the long run and equally as worried about my teeth (everything else heals, but teeth don’t grow back). Hoping the skin and all other zombiness heals quickly! Because, ouch.

    • I know right?!?! Phew. Now the stars will align!! The fear of losing my teeth was far greater than the thought of picking gravel out of my face. I swear the bruises are getting blacker by the hour. Actually, they’re a nice shade of aubergine. Here’s to healing! Cheers! πŸ™‚

  6. OUCH! I cringed while reading that account. You are so badass and have such a gloriously stubborn attitude, I know you’ll kick that marathon’s butt. I’ve had plenty of wipeouts on the trails but NEVER had my feet go over my head. Whoa.

    Take care and heal yourself.

    • And here I was wondering why my lower back was all tight. Duh. The feet over head bit must have made a fantastic visual. The Wonderful People who stopped were white as a ghost when they saw me. Stubborn is right! I’m just a thick headed Italian. Oh I’ll finish that damn run…..Just you wait. πŸ™‚ Thank you for the kind words. Here’s to healing!

  7. Yikes! Quite the wipe out.
    Runners do have odd thoughts sometimes. One night I was running on the side of the road. As a car approached that little voice in my head said it would be better to get hit by a car than run on the sidewalk and risk twisting my ankle. What type of logic is that?
    Or the joke about the runner who passes out. The runner who comes up to help them hits “stop” on their watch first.

  8. OK, I’m sorry to laugh, but the way you described it was pretty funny. I hope you’re ok enough to run you race!!! I’m glad your teeth are still in your head and that the kind strangers didn’t turn out to be psycho kidnappers. And my condolences to your Lululemon pants.

    • I seriously almost made them drop me off a street over from where I live but I figured that since I was: A.) A sweating, bleeding biohazard sitting, sweating and bleeding in their car B.) Had seriously traumatized the 3 year old in the back seat who will be in therapy for decades after seeing me and C.) Making this nice man so nervous that I was talking this poor guy off the fainting ledge, I’d just have them pull right on up my driveway. I probably could have kidnapped them. Total. Shit. Show.

    • I’ll be right there with ya Sister. 20 miler do over. Saturday. May wear helmet. Or face shield that basketball players wear. Or better yet, that Daft Punk deep sea diving helmet from the Grammy’s. I am bummed. But not thwarted. And I have teeth! πŸ˜‰ Good luck!!!

    • Total. Shit. Show. I’m currently drinking what I like to call a Super Food High Powered Healing Smoothie. At least I keep telling myself that. Willing myself to heal. I am working this black eye though. πŸ™‚

    • I’m seriously considering it. Either that or that Phantom of the Opera half weird mask to block the whole thing out. Gah. And thank you. I’m not that broken. And I have my glorious teeth. πŸ™‚

  9. OMG. I just started folllowing your blog (very happily, somehow I don’t follow blogs or even blog much myself)… But I’m getting and checking your updates via email… And this!

    This actually made me spit a mouthful of breakfast out. Quarter shocked, quarter concern, quarter laughing imagining those people’s faces when you gave them the “4 miles…run home..” bit, and the other quarter just pure respect that you are OH SO FOCUSED ! πŸ˜…

    Thank goodness TEETH and BONES were not broken, cracked or missing. 😁πŸ’ͺ …. Have fun at the next marathon Colby!

    • Can you imagine?! They were more in shock than I was! Jumped out of their car. Standing there. Mouths agape. No joke. I was laughing about it the other day. (Who am I fooling, I was actually, grimacing. My stitches were pinching.). I’m a mess. But. I am happy to report that I’m slowly turning a corner. And this shit is starting to become funny to me. πŸ™‚ Welcome to our Blog!!!! I’m happy you’re here!!! {insert me sorta smiling, with ALL my teeth}

  10. Oh girl! Been there!!!! Clumsy is my middle name! At least you can blame the dip in the road! Me? I have no excuse!

    • The only time I’ve ever REALLY bitten it, is trail running. And I mean really. Unless you’re a goat, you’re going to eat shit. But this? This was epic. I’m currently researching plastic surgeons. {Sigh.} Here’s to us staying upright Amy! Cheers!

  11. Earlier this month I was running the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. We were right about mile 3 where I really start b to feel settled in…..a lady on the side of the road was holding a sign that said, “you’re awesome” I looked at her and pointed and said, “no, you’re awes……” and then I was falling….over a GIANT orange cone! Who the he’ll puts GIANT orange cones in the middle of a marathon with 20,000+ runners? Anyways, down went. Caught myself who my arm right before my face hit. Got up and started to pause my Garmin, then thought, he’ll, just run. At first I thought I just broke my pinky, within the next mile I realized I broke my arm. I used my spi belt for a sling and ran another 10 miles before my body wouldn’t go anymore and I had to QUIT! I hate that I didn’t not finish….I keep thinking, maybe I could have just walked the rest of the way….ugh.
    I can laugh about it now….I’ll laugh more when doc says it’s ok to run again. You will laugh about this too…..one day.

    • WHAT?!?! Sweet Jesus Lisa. YOU ARE A FIERCE, RUNNING BEAST!!! I literally just did a dramatic reading of your comment to My Other Half and his response? “Who the fuck puts cones in the middle of a marathon?!?!” My thoughts exactly. How are you healing?!?! I am super-fly lucky that I didn’t shatter my eye orbit. Or teeth. Or anything else. I do look like an MMA fighter though. Still. You’re right. I will laugh about this. But my guess is I’ll start belly laughing about it after I see my plastic surgeon and all is well.

      Heal swiftly. Good grief.

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    • The colors STILL haven’t completely faded from my eye. And my face? Well. That’s going to take some time. And a good plastic surgeon. {Sigh.}

      But they’re just flesh wounds. Carry on! πŸ™‚

  13. If you weren’t so comical about the entire story I wouldn’t laugh…but because you are…HA!!!! AMAZING. HOW, OH HOW DO YOU DO THIS? This takes some serious talent Colby. Glad you’re ok, catching up on the last few posts so I am a bit behind.

    • Oh put on your 5-Point Harness Dominick. You’re in for a doozy. It was EPIC. I still have a godamn black eye. And scars. 😦

      In other news, I’m happy you’re here! I missed you! Hope all is well.

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